Is today a good day to die ?
This is something I ask myself in the morning when I wake up. In first class when I'm trying not to fall asleep when Mr.Connor drones on and on. At the dinner table as I'm passing the potatoes. At night when I'm lieing awake because my brain won't shut off due to all there is to think about.
Should I do it to day ?
If not today when ?
I'm asking myself this as I stand on a tight rusty ledge 7 stories above the hard concrete ground. I'm so high up, I'm practically apart of a cloud. I look down at the pavement below, and the world tilts. I close my eyes enjoying how everything feels tilted and spins. Maybe this time I'll do it -- let the air and beautiful clouds carry me away. It will be like floating in a pool, drifting slowly until there's nothing , nothing at all.. All that's with me is memories,cells, organs and flesh.
I don't remember climbing up here. In fact I don't remember much of anything before Sunday, at least not anything so far this winter. This always happens the forgeting. Sometimes I feel dead literly dead .
I open my eyes, and the ground is still there , I'm still there I haven't floaten away. I'm still in the bell tower of the high school, standing on a ledge about four inches wide. The tower is pretty small, with only a few feet from the bell and the tower its self.
I outstretch my arms as if I'm conducting a choir. "Ladies and gentlemen," I shout looking down "I would like to welcome you to my death"
