[(originally made 12/22/14, edited 9/20/15)]
Just remember this: One of the most incredible things you can do as a human is feel.
Feel the cold and the sweat down your bare skin. Feel the sadness rushing through you and then the greatness filling up and up and up until you are a waterfall of dumb, blind happiness.
Feel throbbing pain. Physical and emotional, feel it run throughout you and don't let it stop. It will stop on its own some day, but while you can, try and document and slowly survive.
Feel water, cold and hot and anything in between, running across the landscape that is your skin. Feel it stick and then fall off, and realize that that's what humans do. What they have to do. Be clean. Do the same thing the day after.
Feel confusion and fear and anger, because even though those are boiling and bubbling and you will hate them, they seem to get words out of you. They seem to make a small mark on the ever so crowded ball you live on.
Be livid at everything bad you've done. Look back on all of it. Hate yourself, remind yourself it's over, remind yourself you can't take it back, hate yourself.
Wish not to exist; wish to be nothing, not even dead. Wish to collapse into yourself, to melt away and turn into smoke and never come back again.
Obsess over the universe. Be terrified, but curious, about what we don't know. Wish to lie on the moon and look up at the stars. Wish to breathe dust and fire and radio waves. Wish to touch planets and talk to constellations and know what the milky way knows. On bad days, wish to float away into space. Be confused as to why we call it space and not something else.
Regret things. Think about the regret. Realize thinking about the regret does nothing but make you regret more. Want to crawl into a hole and cringe until your eyes hurt.
Be the angriest you've ever been. Run your nails across your skin, want to punch mirrors and tear down the walls. Wish you weren't as strong as you were so that you could strain and bubble and burst. Wish you had a punching bag. Buy a fucking punching bag.
Feel comfort. Feel so much comfort and so much serene and quiet that it would take you a millisecond to fall asleep.
Feel frustration over the fact that human life is so large and that there's so much to see and discover and know and do. Feel as though you could explode with all of the possibilities. Want to yell about it.
Realize that human life is smaller than you thought. Look at pictures of stars and planets 10 times bigger than earth. Be a bit scared. Okay, be very scared.
Realize that humans are very, very predictable. Be humiliated that you have so much on your mind.
Love. Love with every inch of your being and soul.
Wonder. Who started speaking first? How did the first people to do common things feel? Feel odd that you don't know. Fear death, the dark, everything.
Be broken. Try to float away. Be nearly gone. Don't let yourself be gone. Fix yourself or let someone else try to fix you.
Feel soft. Feel quiet and sweet and full of comfort. Be warm.
Know that all of the things that have happened to you are a result of something else you've done. Know that all of it is connected.
Feel. Document. Breathe. Please, breathe.
