The smoke stings my eyes as I claw at the door frame, pleading with Morpheus yet caught in the reality of this moment I ignore the heat radiating from the door, your blood curdling screams echo through my body as I tear into the hot wood. The door breaks apart and my body heaves to the floor. Tears streaming down my face I scream your name till my throat is raw and I can taste hot metallic fluid hinting at my taste buds. Struggling to stand I shuffle the cement bricks I call legs towards you. The pain is so intense I don't think I can take it as I reach for your outstretched hand and you pull me close; at this exact moment the pain disappears and I melt into your chest. Running my hands through your hair I feel your hot breath against my neck and you whisper "I'll take care of you sweetheart.." We stand there for a moment, flames licking at us but not leaving a mark, I gently pull away and look into the sea you've trapped in your eyes. A soft smile escapes your lips, but suddenly something is pulling me away and the pain of the fire hits us both like a bus. Its so intense I crumple to the ground clawing myself towards you but there's no use, the house falls to ash and we turn to smoke. Your words bouncing through my brain. My heart wrenched and broken for your touch...
I wake with a start; heart pounding, muscles tense, cold sweat beading down my spine, a throat of sand paper, and my once existing fingernails bleeding. I flop down onto the hard mattress and run my fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm my panicked heart. Inhaling deeply I smell the sweet but salty scent of your jacket, long ago shoved between the wall and I, the rough canvas material calms me. A hint of diesel and oil mix with a years worth of daily toil. I smile as memories of our conversations flood into my head, for an instant I forget our situation. I forget the danger and disappointment. For a small millisecond I allow myself to think that you are just a phone call away, I roll over and grasp my phone. The brightness turned down to 0 was still to bright for my sleepy eyes, squinting I note the time 4:17am "You'll be up in 13 minutes." I think to myself sliding to Snapchat to text you good morning, its then that my heart stops. Your name is no longer there, our conversations deleted with no way to recover them. All evidence of you being a part of my life is gone. I throw my phone against the wall in frustration and crumple into your jacket, hot salty tears slip down my cheeks as I whisper your name into the darkness. I don't really sleep the rest of the night, I more so sit and wait for those first few notes of It Ain't The Whiskey by Gary Allan to fill the air and for me to have a real excuse to roll out of bed and go through the motions of this so called life. Yet without him it really isn't life anymore, its just survival...
The crisp fall air triggers child hood memories as I walk to school, a small smile spread across my face. I can almost feel the leaves crunching beneath my feet and hear the giggles of my brothers and I as we go crashing through the tunnel of leaves at the city park, I can see the confetti of leaves falling around us as we untangle out bodies, sorting who's arm is who's and rubbing bonked heads. The crossing guard heads to the center of the four-way, flipping the overly large STOP sign up and giving me the look, I saunter towards my prison for the next 172 days, 18 year sentence with no parole. Exhaling deeply I let go of my child hood and return to the hell I'm living in, looking over my shoulder officer Cam is just on time, he flips on his blinker and turns left heading up the hill past the school. I try to play it off like he wasn't fallowing me as Tristan, Shilo, Brittani come running across the commons screaming my name in that annoying girly way. "Oh my god!" I yell as they all wrap their arms around me asking way to many questions,
"Taylor what's going on? You haven't been answering anyone's texts and Snapchat...its like dead without you dude!" Tristan says in her oh so concerned tone.
"Haha," I chuckle plastering on a fake smile, something I've come to known way to well these last few months. "I dropped my phone, nothing big." I say walking towards the principals office trying to shrug them off.
"Oh, well alright...See you in Gym I guess?" Tristan asked trying to hide the hurt on her face.
"Uhh yeah sure. " Is all I could say before I walked smack into Officer Brown.
He looks me dead in the eyes and hits me with,
"Your late May. You said you wouldn't be late."
Exasperated with the day already I looked at him and let it all go,
"Oh my god. Yes its what? 7:16 Im a MINUTE late officer! Might as well put the cuffs on me now haul me in for questioning an confiscate my phone because what? God forbid I had to grab a few tampons before heading to this Hell whole and reporting my every move to you or one of your erring boys!" by now my voice is pressing into a yell and my eyes are on the verge of tears. Nosey eyes watch from a distance wondering if I'll talk my way out of this one or be hauled to the Office and handed a referral. Swallowing I press my failing vocal cords to form coherent sentences. "So I suggest before you make an ordeal of my ONE minute absence you question yourself as to why I would risk everything over a minute." I turn on my heel and force my shaking legs to walk away without a second thought. But deep down my mind was racing, "had I hid my other phone well enough? What would I say if they found the money? Or the jacket? What if they call me down again for questioning? I had already told them everything I knew." The bell brought me out of my day dream, or wait, was it a nightmare? No, definitely a dream. Reality was the only nightmare.
