Reality? No Thanks.

Let The Pancakes Rain

"LET THE PANCAKES RAIN!" Sydney shouted. She looked up at the mint green sky and a giant pancake hit her smack in the face. She grabbed it and frowned. "Syrup! I demand syrup!" She felt something drop on her skin. "Oh no, not again. Umbrella!" An umbrella materialized in her hand just in time. Maple syrup rain fell from the sky in a sticky downpour. "Ugh! This always happens! I meant syrup JUST on THIS pancake. Not as rain!" The syrup abruptly stopped, leaving sugary puddles everywhere. She dropped the umbrella. "Fine, I guess this will do." Sydney threw her pancake into a puddle and watched as the syrup seeped through. Then, she picked it up and stuffed it into her mouth. A white light flashed in front of her and a golden door appeared. "It's time already? Huh, that was fast." Her voice was muffled from the pancake. She grabbed the doorknob, realizing for the first time how sticky her hand was. She stepped through the door and found herself completely clean. She was in a land with an empty white sky and a ground made of red and black squares. "Giant Guinea pig, I want a giant guinea pig as my trusty steed!"
Nothing happened.
...
...
...
Nope, still nothing.
Sydney sighed. Dangit, this wasn't a lucid dream. She couldn't control it. "This place is no fun." She sat down on the square. Just then, trumpets blared behind her.
"SYDNEY! WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US ON A QUEST TO DEFEAT THE WHITE ARMY?!" Sydney turned around to see lots of black, gigantic chess pieces. The horse piece threw it's head and neighed. She shrugged.
"I guess. I have nothing better to do anyways." She hopped on top of a dark horse and took the reigns. Her clothes turned black.
"EXCELLENT!" The king bellowed. He pointed off to the horizon. "THE ENEMY AWAITS YONDER NORTH! YONDER NORTH IS WHERE THE ENEMY AWAITS!"
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's charge!" Sydney kicked the horse in it's side. She leaned forward, preparing for the horse to surge forward at 70 miles per hour and leave behind a trail of fire.
The horse sluggishly pushed itself forward one square with a scrraaaaaaape, then stopped.
Then it pushed itself again. Scrraaaaaaaape.
Then again. Scraaaaaape.
"Are you kidding me?" Sydney yelled. "This is so BORING! Where's the sword fights? The arrows flying through the air? This isn't how you fight an army!" She paused and scanned the chess pieces. "Did any of you even bring a weapon to fight with?"
"SAUNTERBLUGGET HAMPTERFLUPPINSHIRE!" The king answered. A sword appeared in a holder attached to the horse.
"Do you even know what you're saying?" Sydney jumped down.
"NO! NO I DO NOT!"
"Well, I'm not going to wait around for ninety minutes while you all try and make it to the other side of this board. I'm going to fight them without you!" With that, she grabbed the sword and started running.