Surviving

Deep Breath

           I take a deep breath, put my earphones in, and close my eyes. I am immediately submerged in darkness. It's a calm solitary kind of darkness. I breath deeply in a meditative state blocking out everything and everyone, all my fears, problems and weaknesses gone. I vanish it all to the back of my mind and relish in the dark tranquility. I'm finally at peace. The silence is overpowering  despite the soft rock blaring in my ears. Tears gather behind my eyelids. I'm not sure why though. I'm not especially sad . I feel empty and blank, carefree.
            I wish I could feel this way all the time, but life gets in the way. Life and all its problems. I know I don't have it nearly as bad as  other people, but for me life's never just carefree and happy. From what I've seen life is all about working hard in middle school to get into hard classes in high school, struggling through high school with the vain hope you'll be accepted at your dream college or at least your safety school and graduate. After that you swim against the current fighting for a halfway decent job. Then it's your turn to live, but you've spent so much time trying to survive, trying not to fall, that you don't know how to soar.
            That's before social and unplanned life comes into play. Friends, enemies, family crap, all that shit. We endure all that shit in search of Love. It's fleeting ,but in our heart of hearts we believe in this magic, in this fantasy because it's the only way we get through it all without the constant urge to off ourselves. I've never been in love not real love anyway. I've felt pain.  I've cried and I've screamed. I've  screamed in fear, exhilaration, pain, exasperation, anger, frustration, and just because it's the only way to express how royally screwed up I feel inside.
The annoying thing about reality is ,you have to face it. It doesn't matter how many times it slaps you down onto the cold concrete floor. You can't curl up in the fetal position and cry. No. You stand up. You always stand up, but you don't swing back. You don't make a sound. You endure. This is life and if you're lucky you'll get a chance to put your earbuds in, take a deep breath, and close your eyes every now and then.
                Everything ends though so I open my eyes and blink away the tears. I put pen to paper and write away my fears as best I can. My name is Aurora, Roar for short and this is how I survive.

A/N: this is my first story. I don't know how often I'll update.  I'm not even totally sure what it's going to be about, but I can promise you adventure. 💋
                                                     XoXo