Still Waiting

Still Waiting (One Shot)

How long will I wait? Are you really coming back? Why did you leave me? Do you still love me?

Yan lang yung ilan sa tanong na hindi ko alam kelan masasagot. O kung masasagot nga ba. Its been a few months since you left me. Yes. Its you who left me. You're the one who let go. Sobrang ironic nga e. Ikaw yung nagsabing 'walang bibitaw ha.' Pero ikaw yung nangiwan. Ikaw yung biglang bumitaw kahit nakakapit pa ko. Yung masakit dun? Iniwan moko sa ere.

Sabi mo magkaiba kayo. Sabi mo di moko iiwan. Sabi mo magtiwala ako sayo na hindi na ko masasaktan. Sabi mo lagi ka lang nanjan. Sabi mo I should take a chance with you. I did. Kahit sobrang laki ng takot ko. I trusted you kahit sobrang hirap dahil sa trust issues ko. I took a chance with you kahit hindi ko na kayang masaktan ulet. I said yes kahit ayoko nang mag risk baka kasi maiwan ulet ako. I did those things because you asked me too. I did those things because thats what you want. I did those things because I love you.

Ikaw yung nakakaalam kung gaano kalaki trauma ko sa taong nangiiwan sakin. Kung gaano ka sira yung tiwala ko sa tao. Ikaw rin nakakaalam kung gaano ko pahalagahan yung isang tao. You were with me when I cant handle the pain and emotions because someone left me. Alam mo kung gaano ako nasasaktan kapag iniiwan ako. I told you that time that I can never lose you. Kasi hindi ko kakayanin. Alot of important people in my life left me. And I cannot afford to lose you too. Just not you.

Sa loob ng mahigit isang taon na nanjan ka hindi ko naisip na pwede kang mawala. Sa loob ng mahigit isang taon na magkasama tayo hindi ko naisip na pwedeng iwan moko. Hindi ko naisip na maiiwan ulet akong magisa.

Hindi ko naisip.

Hindi ko iniisip.

Hindi ko iisipin.

Ayoko.

Hindi ko kasi kaya.

But just like a blink of an eye nawala ka sakin. Sa sobrang bilis hindi ko nagawang magreact. Hindi ko nagawang pigilan ka. Hindi ko nagawang ipaglaban yung feelings ko. That moment when you told me that we need to break up I knew something was wrong. I knew that its not just because of your family problems. Theres more to it that what you told me. Ayoko nalang itanong. Ayokong kulitin ka. Ayokong makadagdag sa iisipin mo. Hinayaan ko nalang.

Hinayaan ko mangyari yung gusto mo kahit na ayoko talaga. Hinayaan ko kahit gusto kong pigilan ka. Hinayaan ko kahit na gusto kitang awayin kasi bakit un ung naisip mong way. Hinayaan ko kahit sobrang sakit. Hinayaan ko kasi yun ung gusto mo. Hinayaan ko kasi mahal kita. I blamed myself after that. I let you let go. It was my fault. But then I realized even if I didnt let you let go you would still find a way to let me go. That I was sure of.

Alam kong may mali na sa relasyon natin. Kahit sobrang init ng panahon ramdam na ramdam ko na yung panlalamig mo. Siguro nagsawa ka. Siguro napagod ka. Siguro ayaw mo na talaga. Siguro di mo nako mahal. Siguro may iba na...

Ang dami kong naisip na reasons. Ang daming what ifs at bakit sa isip ko. Ang daming tanong na hindi ko naman magawang itanong sayo. I wanted answers but I cant force myself to ask you. I was scared. Natakot ako na baka nga totoo lahat ng iniisip ko. Natakot ako na baka dahil dun masaktan ako lalo. Natakot ako na baka lalo akong lumubog at di na ko makaahon sa sakit. I was scared, no, I was terrified.

I keep asking for closure but I know that having one wont satisfy me. Its not enough for my heart to stop aching. I know that it'll take me a long time enduring the pain. I know that moving on from you will last quite some time. Its not easy. It never is. It never will be. Especially since you're too special for me. Having you in my life was one of the greatest things that happened to me. I was more than happy. I was ecstatic. And I thank you for that.

How long will I wait? Are you really coming back? Why did you leave me? Do you still love me?

These are some of the questions that I wanted you to answer. But I guess I found the answers on my own.

I dont have to wait anymore. You're not coming back. You left because you want someone else. And no, you dont love me anymore...

And now, I'll start moving on. It might take a while but I know it'll be worth it. I'll treasure all our memories. I'll remember ever lesson to each of our problems. Im always here for you. And at some point I hope we can be friends again. I know that I'll always love you. There's no doubt in that. But I have to bid you goodbye.

I'll stay here but my feelings will keep moving on. Im here still waiting...

for the right one.

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Waaaaah! Natapos ko din. :'3 Hahahaha! Another one shot. Yes! Lol. Thank yoi for reading. :*

~Hiscuteidiot