My Secret Life

Chapter 2 Carlson-Michael

"MICHEAL! GET UP HERE!" Mom hollers from a top the stairs, that's my wake up call. "Hell she let me sleep in today" I think to myself while checking the old alarm clock on my dresser 5:02A.M. the old hands said, well there was only one hand. The other had long since been replaced by an old paper clip dad had rigged up for me. I step into my old chore clothes and wiggle my feet into the boots mom had got me from a lady in town. 'Long as I didn't step in the water my feet stayed dry, except for in the winter.

"Yes ma'am!" I hollered back in a softest voice I could at this hour, my lil brother lay dead asleep with his dog on his side of the room. I could be nice and shake him awake...or...SPLASH! I threw my half empty water glass 'cross the room at him.

"God damn it! Micheal James! I'm tellin' Mom!" He yapps as he runs upstairs as fast as his 12 year old legs can carry him, in about three good strides I catch up to him and whisper,

"Not if ya know what's good for ya." and walk right on past him. His face turned ghostly pale and he tucked tail to go get dressed.

"BOYS! Your burnin daylight!" Momma says in her meanest voice, it just makes me grin when she gets like this. It just means dad will be back soon, she always tightens the reins on us boys about this time, extra chores, clean clothes, better manners. It's all so when Dad gets here he thinks were the western brady bunch or some shit. Aint none of it real, and aint none of it gonna last after he leaves neither. Dad drives truck, well when he can. In all honesty we don't have many jobs around here, dad brought Momma out here when she found out she was pregnant. Married her at the courthouse and bought 50 acres and a few farm animals. Since then he's been traveling all the time working odd jobs. Sometimes he drives truck, works construction, or fixes fence. He sends us money when he can, and visits every few months if its possible. When he can't Mom, my brother and I raise a few calves and sell them for meat in the fall. I also got a job haying for a neighbor and Momma applied to do the laundry at the old folks home. Jacob is talking about getting a job too, but not much a 12 year old boy can do that a grown man can't do better. Daddy says he's seen the country and that someday I can too if I work hard enough. So when we don't seem like we need it I hide a few bucks in my sock drawer, saving up to see the country some day..

"You need to milk the cows, get the eggs, feed those horses some grain to-Michael? You listening to me?"

"Yes ma'am." I stutter trying to fill in the blanks of what all she had said,

"Good because your father is gonna be here soon, and I don't want him thinking I'm raising a couple of slackers!" She takes my plate before I have even finished my bacon and points to the door, thats my signal. I grab my hat and walk threw the screen door, my old dog Red meets me at the end of the drive ready for another long day just as the South Dakota Sun peeks up over the hill.

The two holstein cross cows already stand ready for their grain and their milking.

"Hey girls." I croon as I dump the coffee can of garin into the trough and tie up the black and white cows leg, she always seemed to kick the pail if I didn't milk her first. Just then she lets out a long beller letting me know she was the boss here,

"Gosh, you girls she are MOOdy today." I laugh at my own stupid joke and start stripping the cream from her bag. I can't help but think about dad, I wonder if he ever really thinks about us? Its gotta be hard always working, never seeing us...I wonder if we are just something he feels obligated too. Its not like he takes the time to call or anything. He spends a few days before he gets here calling for hours, talking about where he's been what he's been doing. I can't help but get as excited as mom and Jacob do, even tho I know it's only for a few weeks. Soon enough he's going to leave again. And we will be back to pinching pennies and mom waiting by the phone for that call, the call we get once a week. The "hows my wonderful family call" the "I miss you guys so much call" Then in a few months he will come back home and we can all play The Brady Bunch again.

"MJ..." a small voice says from behind me. Startled I jump back, pissing off the cow

"What do you want Jake." I say a little too sharply,

"I just, I just wanted to know if you thought dad was actually going to stick around this time..." I sigh and pull my hat off my head to whip away the sweat, it sure was going to be hot today, and I was already running behind schedule. "It's just the other night when he called he said things were going to be different from now on..and-" he looked up at me with his big blue eyes and I saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Jake, Dad has said that a thousand times...' I start, but I see the tears grow in his eyes and I stop quick. I can't make our dad out to be a bad guy, he's a hard working man and Jacob has got to understand that, like I did. "And every time he says it, it's been true. Like when you came along! I had somebody to share chores with, and put the blame on when I got in trouble," I winked at him, "someone to share a room with too, even tho his feet stink" that made him laugh " Or what about when we got that blonde horse in the north pasture? Things sure were different after that..Just don't get your hopes up for something that probably isn't going to happen alright?" I put my hat on and looked him in the eyes, I could tell something was on his mind he wasn't saying.

"Alright but Mike, you're 17 you're gonna be gone next year and I'm gonna be stuck here with all these chores and have to take care of Momma..." He fell into me sobbing at the thought of me leaving, his older brother and the man of the house. A thought our family had decided would not be talked about until the time came it needed to be talked about. "Jake." he kept crying into my chest, "Jacob Blake Carlson." He pulled away and wiped his snotty nose on his arm, "I ain't going anywhere, and even if I did. You can already out work me, just imagine if I wasn't around how much smoother your day would go."

We sat in the barn with the cows in their milking stalls, both munching happily on their grain, one with a leg tied up, and both of us sitting on a milking stool. His small arms wrapped around my neck and my arms around him explaining how even if I did leave, he would be okay. We sat like this long after the cows finished their grain, long after the rooster had said good morning to everything within ear shot, and long after the horses should have been given grain. We sat like that until the sun was hot and high in the sky and mom had to come out to get us. She swung open the barn door and found her two suns holding eachother tight,

"What in the world is going on here!" she gasped. I did the only logical thing I could think of, there wasn't anyway I was going to let my kid brother be embarrassed for crying, I immediately started rambling at my mother some sob story about how he had fallen from getting me hay from the rafters and that he was just cooling off before we went in for lunch. My mother ate the story like cake, with a quick wink to my brother I carried him into lunch while mom adressed his "wounds" I finished the milking and threw the sun rotted eggs at the barn. It was turning out to be a pretty decent Friday evening until dinner time. I had finished the evening chores and gave my brother the stink eye for milking his accident and getting out of them when the house phone rings. A quiet fell over the house as mom stands to answer it, I can see the hope in Jacob's eyes as she picked up the receiver.

"Hello? Yes he's here, one moment he's finishing up dinner." At the my heart sank, "Michael, it's your father." I shakily stand and reach for the phone, I let out a long over held breath and say as clear as I can "Hello?"