Thinking Of You (Zayn Malik)

V. Zayn's Perspective (Last Part)

V. "I was also thinking of you, Anna. I'd certainly go burst out the door and take all the pain I've caused you away. Because in your eyes, that's where I also would like to stay" –Zain Javadd Malik

Zayn's Point Of View:

"Zaynie! Can you please dust off the cabinets on our room? That would be your final task babe! Then we're done cleaning. Trisha and your sisters will be here soon, so you'd better hurry, babe." she instructed me, her sweet and mellow voice hovered across our spacious house – or rather, home.

"Okay! Love you!" I answered. I heard her giggle; I love how her laugh sounds so soothing to my ears. Though we're basically shouting so we could hear each other because I was at the second floor whilst she's cooking something for our dinner later, with my mom and my sisters."~babe?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm waiting for your answer!" I'm smiling like an idiot whilst starting to dust off our cabinets, waiting for her sweet voice to say...

"I love you, love you, love you too Zayn. Now go back to work!" she said, I can hear her amusement on her voice.

"Okaaaaaay. I miss you!" yeah, I miss her even though she's just a couple of meters away from me. That's how much I've gotten used to having her always by my side. Since that unforgettable night, when we first both stepped inside a capsule of the London Eye, we were again, inseparable - our dreams and promises finally got into reality.

I opened a small drawer on our bedside's table and there I found the letter that I gave her before our most special day – the start of our forever.

To My Dearest Anna,

Tonight, sleeping seemed to be the hardest task for me. Maybe because you're not with me or for the reason that I'm too excited for tomorrow to finally see you in that white dress you chose personally for our special day. I bet you'll look as stunning as ever – though it's not like you don't already look beautiful in my eyes even if you're wearing a rag dress.

I cannot believe that in just a couple of hours you'll be forever mine and I'll be yours. Thinking about all the things that we've been through, it might be impossible to foresee that we'd still end up together. But look! Here we are, apart from each other tonight and waiting for tomorrow so we could finally say our vows to each other. Can you believe it? Well me, I do.

But before anything else, babe, let me tell you our story in my perspective. Who knows, maybe you could also let the children of our children read this.

That day you we're having your last shooting day for Little mix's music video with Perrie. I have to tell you that I am so proud of you because you were about to finish your degree in Multimedia Arts, that time – the dream you always had since we were kids. But that also reminded me of all the consequences we both faced because of my decision of leaving you. I had not been there with you whilst you were reaching that dream of yours – that hurts me, but I know it hurts you more – I hurt you more. I'm not even sure if "sorry" was enough to let you know how much I regret everything.

I thought everything's going to be fine Anna. I thought you'll eventually learn to love Al and I'll eventually accept the fact that I am not the best for you. But the moment I left you and gave Al his chance to love you there was a repugnant feeling inside my chest; it was weighty and it makes me want to shut the world off around me so I don't have to make choices anymore. Each day that passed I kept on convincing myself that I did the right choice, that everything's going to be okay. But deep inside me, the truth is I kept on thinking of you and what life would be like if I let you fight for our love and if I stayed with you. It's like every time I take one step towards my new life now, there would always be moments that makes me take two steps back to you.