The smiles you inflicted on my face were real - were alive; but where are they now? Not gone...just not there. Our first little moments together escalated, from being too scared to, to wishing it would last longer.I remember it as though it just happened, but I still ponder about if it was existent. Yes, it used to be the best memory, but that is all it is now...a memory. I remember other things, the smell, the touch, the warmth, the tears, the pain, the neglect, the times when everything was both great and not very. Why? Why do I make myself bleed? Even I cannot give account for it. Not physically, but I feel it dripping everyday...little by little. I am going to die eventually. I will bleed out. I have found a reason to stop the flow of life out of my veins, but this remedy only increases the pain when it tries to stop the dripping. It's not my fault, or is it? I just wasn't lucky...I just didn't try my best. I was a waste. I am a waste. I am nothing...compared to him. He has it all. He is the one. He brings you the things I wish I could. He brings you the joys of life. I was just the "rebound". I was just a clueless puppet in the game. What did you want? You could have just told me. You could have saved me from my demise. No...you did not want it that way. You needed to find the better choice, but stuck with the one you had till that came along. I trusted more than anything. I risked my life, the same one you wouldn't care to even know has gone if it was to. You pushed me away, further than I was able to maintain. Distance is not a problem...it's the effort taken to get through it. You kept going, and I kept coming. People say "There's plenty of fish in the sea", but they don't know that they are all the same...just fish. I never wanted an ordinary experience. Promises were made, promises were broken...and so was my heart and mind. I am broken. I'm holding on for dear life now, but I know you will never turn back to help me up. All I ever wanted was to have a reason to keep living, but I guess I was only pushing myself to the edge. Now I'm going to fall...this is the end of me. I hope someone saves me, and if I ever fall again, I hope I'm not left alone. Even you know what this is like, yet this is what you've made me.
