As we grow up, we stumble through lots of things. We often tripped and fall, just gave up and sit on the ground wishing hoping a hand would grab our hands. Save us from drowning. But some not really hoping for it.
Some are strong. Handling the matter on their own way. Nobody knows.
Some saw it but just being ignorant as they are blinded by their own problems.
They look for distraction and stuffs. Some distract themselves, making themselves busy with studies.
I seriously doesnt really know how some people are. But when they hurt them self, it breaks my heart. I know how it feels. I feel bad i couldnt make them self feel better. I cannot help them. People dying of suicide almost everyday.
Have I ever thought of commiting suicide? Well yes. A couple of times. But why I didn't I? Had I really plan on doing it? Something called fear stops me. I'm a coward, that is not something new. I'm pretty well known for it. I'm afraid of dying and God. How big is my sin for doing that. I am not that religious person, however I am still scared of doing some sins. I'm not really looking forward to be burn in hell, either punish when I am buried deep down in the dark place all alone where no one can hear. And I didn't do it because I still have my string? Have my strings ; personally I have two definition of it.
I cut. Which not something people much aware of. I do not do that to have some attention on me. I hated being the spotlight as a close friend of mine said or in other words center of attention.
I didn't cut anymore. And the scars are healing. I can barely see them. Actually, I cannot see them anymore. But I know it used to be there.
I did tempt of doing it again when I don't feel like I could handle but instead of cutting, I write or sketch... on my arms usually. It sort of like keeping me sane. When you see me starts drawing or writing that is when you know I'm having some sort of like panic attack. And that I am keeping my head off trying to distract myself.
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