Let it..

Let it Go.

I wish I could shut off my humanity
the emotions I feel everyday is
showing in my physical appearance

I wish I could shut off my humanity
it's sicken.
not sick like mommy giving you
medicine to make the cough go away
sick like its crushing me
sick like its destroying the inner me
sick like I don't even know what to
describe it as.

I wish I could shut off my humanity.
bringing affection to others only
breaks me down more
I love making people smile
you can't even make yourself smile
that's not that point
what's the point
I want them to never leave me
they never stay after a while
It's devastating to the soul and mind.

I want to shut off my humanity.
so I don't have to feel bad about
anything.
things that shatter me like the glass
that destroyed my laugh and make
me cry with extra gasps
things that still make me shiver when
I'm wrapped in a blankets hold.

you can't even stop yourself from
caring it's just how you are
yes I can
no you can't
you don't understand
make me understand
I want to shut off my humanity
so when the pain reaches my body
I won't feel it the numbness will be
lovely
I'd be beautiful with every
step of the way
so do it
I can't
why not
this isn't vampire diaries.

sick with bearing to be continuously
loving to people who don't even
care about me
stop caring
I can't
why not!
I'm a sweetheart and sweethearts
stick with the pain to make others
feel butterfly's and hoping everyday
they won't go insane

I wish I could shut off my humanity.
so when I kiss somebody the hairs
on the back of my dome won't stand
up and remain me this won't last
and I wish I can shut it off.

boom.