The Bad Boys Secret [Cameron Dallas fanfic]

Chapter 29 - Can I Keep Doing This?

I sit in music class, and sit by the piano, playing keys and humming unknown tunes. I think of lyrics to go with the beats and rhythm of the music I seem to be making. The lyrics seem to be about Cameron, and I can't help it, but the words just seem to pour out my heart and out my mouth.

My mind seems to only think of him. Him before I go to sleep. Him whilst I sleep. Him when I wake up. Him through out the day. Him. It's always him. There's not a day, nor second, nor minute, not hour, that goes by when I'm not thinking of him.

"Sorry I'm late," he says when he strides into class with triumph that he is actually earlier than he has been the past few lessons. Sir just happens to give him unsatisfied look and then turns his back to him and faces his computer screen, typing away.

That's a job I wouldn't want to have. Stuck behind a desk typing emails, running errors, shouting and straining my voice for pointless reasons, wasting my breath on people I don't want to talk to, and having to cope with people who don't want to be there just as much as I don't. I couldn't cope with something like that. I want to adventure. I want to be able to go travelling and see the world. See new places, and try new things, to step out my comfort zone and challenge myself. To show others who have bought me down, that actually, I am pretty confident and braver than they thought of me. I want to see so many things, instead stuck behind a desk for thirty odd years. But what I also don't want, is to marry someone and be unhappy. So many people divorce after being with each other for a great amounts of years. I want to be madly in love for eternity, and even if I have to fight for it, I will, and he better too, because that's how it works. Love can only work if you have two people dedicated to the relationship, two passionate lovers who have feelings for each other, and two people who love each other's company. Love can only work if you're loyal to one another, you stay truthful to one another, look out for one another, and always, always, fight for one another.

"You ok?" He says taking a seat next to me. I nod my head slowly, because in kin of hesitating. I'm hesitating to myself; am I okay? I've never really stop and thought about myself, that if I am actually okay. I've been so caught up thinking about him, I haven't even once thought about myself.
"Um, yeah, I think so. You?" I stutter. He frowns and then checks behind him. He grabs my hand and tells me to get my bag. I do as I'm told, picking my bag up with one hand, and my other hand still connected to his. He pulls me up from my chair and he drags me hard out the classroom, running with me. We tear down the corridor as the old man shouts after us. We sprint behind one of the old walls where not many people go, and he pins me up against the wall. He kisses me hard on the lips, making them hurt because his force is so strong. He pulls away leaving me more breathless than I already was before, after running. I gasp for air and he laughs, placing his arm around me and planting a kiss on my forehead. My forehead.

A forehead kiss is probably one one of the most powerful kisses you can get. Okay, kissing on the lips is a way of connecting, but anyone can kiss you there. A forehead takes the two of you to stand closely. For him to hold you in his arms, and to be taller than you. Your head in his chest and his above your head. He then kisses you on the forehead. You feel loved, warm, safe and protected. That kiss is like he's saying that your his and he isn't gonna let go of you. He loves you with all his heart, enough to plant one small but powerful kisses on your forehead, to say he's going to protect you.

"What period is next?" He says, still holding me and my face still buried in his warm, muscular chest.
"We have biology," I mumble into him. He rubs my lower back with his finger tips, making me feel relaxed and sending shivers up my spine.
"Come on then, let's go," he says slipping his hand down to mine. Our fingers interlock and we walk hand in hand, around the back to science. We get close to the back door and his hand slips from mine, and my feelings slip too. My feelings of happiness and proudness slip away and go back to me just wanting him. He gives me a reassuring smile then we walk in together. Through the halls and down a corridor until we get to biology.

I see Katie and Lindsay sat together giggling away, and all I feel is anger and confusion. Why is Katie talking to the one person who physically can't stand? I give her a look and she just smiles to me and then returns back to her conversation with Lindsay. I shrug it off and go sit at my desk with Cameron.
"Whats up babe?" He whispers quietly so nobody can hear. My eyes automatically drift towards my best friend and the demon, and I feel hurt and betrayed. But yet, I manage to shake my head and whisper back,
"Nothing."

For the whole lesson I sit and stare at them. Watching them smile together, whisper together, giggle together. Why are they so close? Why is Katie doing this? Why is Lindsay being so fake? Why - And then the bell rings and interrupts my thoughts. All I can think now is, get me out of here.

"Alana? Where are you going? Wait up!" I hear Katie say from a distance, as I along the pavement to go home. I keep walking, on a mission to get home and cry, then stuff my face with fast food to make myself feel better.
"Are you okay?" She pants put of breath, as she finally catches up to me.
"Yeh," I manage to squeeze. I'm one of those people who can quite easily hide their feelings. I could be feeling at my lowest point, but yet I can laugh and sing like nothing is wrong.
"Sorry I didn't meet you at the gates so we could walk, it's just Lindsay was telling me something and we got -"
"Ok. It's fine," I say interrupting her. Quite frankly, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear her talk about Lindsay and how funny she is, and how 'nice' she is - I know, she is none of them things.
"What's wrong? Why are you so moody?" She says taking a step back instead of forward.
"I'm not moody," I hiss,
"I just don't understand why you were so buddy buddy with Lindsay today. We both hate her."
"She's actually really nice once you get to know her," Katie says, defending Lindsay behind her back. She obviously does like her then, otherwise she wouldn't of stuck up for her.
"How? How can she be nice?" I say sarcastically and in disgust at the thought of her.
"Are you jealous or something?" She hisses back. Jealous? Me? Oh please.
"I'm not jealous one tiny bit. I wouldn't want to be a stuck up tart like her, who thinks she's absolutely stunning and can pull any guy that she can lay a finger on!"
"Jealousy nasty hey?" She says looking at me up and down. Instantly, I think of Lindsay. That's what Lindsay does.
"See, she's even rubbing off on you. You're copying her."
"Oh, Alana grow up! She's actually really nice once you get talking to her. Oh, I forgot, you don't like socialising with others apart from yourself, and me, the only friend you actually have!" She snaps aggressively. Ouch. That hurt.
"I have Cameron, actually."
"Oh, big whoop! Cameron. The only twat who actually stays with you so he can get his quick shag and leave. He isn't your friend Alana. He's far from it! He's just friends with benefits, and that's all he'll ever be! You're jealous of Lindsay because she has Cameron, and he actually loves her and isn't afraid to be with her in public. She doesn't sneak about, because the person she has is right in front of her!" I stop in my tracks and think. But before I think back to what she first said, I listen to the last bit, so I can snap back.
"So if he loves her so much, then why does he cheat on her? Hey? Answer that one then smart arse."
"Oh, Alana you're so stuck up your own arse sometimes! You just want to believe what you want and you don't want to be faced with reality. He loves her because she doesn't just fall straight into his pants, she has earn this respect, so for entertainment he goes for you, because you give him what he wants. You're just a shag and entertainer, the star of the night, whether she's the sky, she is always there, and she will never leave. You're just there for a bit then you go during the day. He's using you but you can't see it. And one day, you'll see how much of a foolish twat he really is. But for now, get off Lindsay's back, and get off his."

I walk up to my bedroom sulking, as a million of things play in my mind. The words repeating around my head of what Katie has said. Brutal. Harsh. Honest. Words.

He's causing me to get into trouble. He's causing me to lie. He's breaking up my friendship. He's causing me heartbreak and jealousy. Can I keep doing this?