A flame. Ionized gas molecules burning with a passion, as it dances in through the air creating an abundance of heat surrounding it in a radiating aurora. A coal black wick supporting the flame. Blue creeping up on the yellow and orange daze creating a euphoric ombré. One sudden change in the oxygen can have a consequence onto this peculiar flame. The flame could combust higher as the ions get excited or; it could go out, the flame could vanish completely only leaving a trail of wispy smoke to show its presence. If you think about it, love has it's similarities to a flame. When you first fall in love there is a spark, like the spark of a lighter or a match to create the flame. When you love someone go for their eyes, when you grow old your body get's older, but the eyes stay same, the color, the love, the passion. Just like a flame, the color stays the same no matter the changes that goes on around it, like the wax melting in a pool of heat, nor the wick getting shorter from the heats corruption. Lastly love can die, the love can fade away, like the burning out of a flame, memories only to remember the love, like the smoke of the flame. Your love can die because it lost its strength, it's love, it's other half without two there isn't the love for one. This is like the flame without it's wick, or the flame without its oxygen to survive.
This is how I felt with Zayn, together we created a burning flame, a flame so powerful that others around could see it, could feel it's heat. He was my other half, I loved him so much. I love how when he smiled his eyes would crinkle. I love how he cared for his mother, never shy of calling her and rambling on for hours about how his day was. I love how whenever I complimented him he would blush, and then I would confront him about blushing and he would blush more. I love how when we hugged he would rest his head on my shoulder. I love how he would always take me on surprise dates just to see me smile. God do I miss him.
I remember when we first met. When the spark began igniting a small flame with it's purpose to grow. We had met at the park, him being the artys one he was photographing different things, and I being probably the most curious man in the world decided to go up to him and asked him to see some of his photos. Since then we were inseparable, we would hang out everyday, learning things about each other, our similarities, our differences, his secrets, my secrets, and so on. And in that period of time I fell for him, I fell for his eyes, his hair, his style of clothing. I fell for his personality, we would never have a boring day, inside that creative mind of his there was an adventurous side, we would do the most craziest things, climb a mountain, go on a sudden road trip, name anything we did it. Throughout that time our flame grew bigger, our love being the oxygen that fuels it. One of the most amazing memories we had together was our wedding day, the most beautiful day of my life. Seeing him walk down the aisle has never left my memory, You bet I cried, he looked beautiful. His hair pushed back into his usual signature look, a beautiful black and white tuxedo that matched mine. The most nervous I was that day had to be when we were doing our vows, I kept stumbling over my words completely embarrassing myself, but Zayn helped through it by giving me reassuring smiles. Why did he leave?
The one thing I regret the most is answering that phone call. That phone call that changed my life. It was sometime in December that Zayn decided to go visit his family. Due to work and other things I wasn't able to go with him. You dont know how much I regret not going. He flew to his parents house instead of taking the train because it would be quicker. It was 3:47AM to be exact, that was the exact moment when I got the phone call, the worse call of my life. The contact read "Zi" baffled why he was calling, I answered the call assuming that the flight got delayed or something. I couldn't of been more wrong. It was the police, it was police informing me that the plane has crashed. Flight 182. The flight that Zayn was on. Without trying to have the officer hear my sobs I asked if Zayn was okay. The next four words that came out of his mouth I wasn't prepared for. I would never be prepared for it. "There were no survivors"
Dear Zayn,
Since that moment my life hasn't been the same ever since you left. The days seem longer. The sky seems grayer, I lost my other half. I miss you. My friends say I should get over you and move on, but I can't, everything I do reminds me of you. When I wake up, I remember waking up and seeing you right next to me, when I eat I remember us making the biggest messes trying to cook, when I put on my clothes it reminds how I use to always wear your sweaters. No matter what I do I cannot stop thinking about you. I wrote you a song Zi, do you want to hear it?
"Cause being here without you is like i'm waking up to;
only half a blue sky, im kinda there but not quite
i'm walking round with just one shoe, i'm half a heart without you
i'm half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest
i miss everything we do, i'm half a heart without you"
Do you like it Zi, I worked really hard on it, I sing all the time hoping, maybe just maybe that you will hear it. I just wanted to tell you that since you left my life has been hell. Our flame we once had is gone, it vanished only leaving me with the memories of us. You will forever be my love, my husband, my life. I will always love you, I miss you Zi. Please, please come home angel.
Liam xx
A couple months after I had wrote the letter there was knock at the door, I assumed it was one of my best mates Harry or Louis, but when I opened the door I was surprised to see them not standing there but a police officer.
" Hello, do you happen to be the spouse of Zayn Malik." he spoke
"I am, yes. May I ask why you are here?" I retorted my voice a little shaky.
"Yes, I am here to inform you that we have found some of Zayn's possessions from the wreckage. Would you like to have them?"
"I would love to have them."
The officer handed me the items, I said a quick thanks and he left. Once I shut the door I opened the bag to see what items were inside. His favorite sweater, his phone, and his wedding ring. I immediately put on the sweater and headed over to the couch. The sweater still had a bit of his scent on it from the last time he wore it. I grabbed the phone out, it was cracked, but still useable. I pressed the lock button and tried to turn it on, no luck. I tried again getting myself frustrated at the point it wouldn't turn on. I stood up off the couch and threw the phone onto the cushion. Not realizing it I felt my cheeks and noticed tears, tears of frustration, tears of sadness, tears of grief, tears of missing him. I decided to take a shower. It always helps me clear my head, think things through. Once I got out of the shower I decided to go over to the bag and take out his wedding ring. I rolled it between my fingers feel the cold mental against my warm skin. Memories flooded through my mind in flashes. Our first date, when he first met my parents, our honeymoon. For the second the, today I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. I layed down on the couch curling up in to a ball sobbing. I miss him, why did he have to leave me? Why did he have to go? It's not fair. I miss him so much. He was my everything and now he's just gone. We didn't even get to have a future together, to grow old together. I just want to hug him one last time, make him smile one last time. Hear his beautiful smile one last time. In the midst of my thoughts I felt a sharp poking on my side, I turned over and realized I was lying on the phone I threw earlier. I picked it up and looked at it again. I pressed the lock button again trying to turn it on. To my surprise the screen lit up and there as his background was a picture of us. It was a photo we had taken we were on our honeymoon in Hawaii. I slid the unlock button and typed in his passcode. 7123 which stands for the date we got married 7/12/13. Once it was unlocked it opened to his home screen. I decided to go to his camera roll and see the photos of us, the last memories of us. But once I got there I was confused, there was a video that was dated 12/20/14. The day of the crash. I clicked on the video and started watching it.
"Hey Li, I have to make this quick, but I love you. Theres something wrong with the plane's engine and we might crash. I just wanted to say that I love you and I will always love you. I will always be with you remember that. I will remember every memory we had, every laugh, every kiss, every hug. I will always remember our wedding our honeymoon, the day we first met. I know we wanted to have a future together, starting a family, buying a house, growing old together. You can't always get what you want, but I do want you to promise we one thing. Move on. Find someone new, don't make your life miserable and don't hide yourself away from others. But please don't forget me, remember everything we shared together, remember us. I will always love, and you will forever be in my mind."
Your Husband
Zi xx
