He would flirt with me all the time. I was nice to him about it though. I said things that I hoped would hurt him enough to leave me alone. He never left. He stayed right by me and talked to me all the time. The truth is that I loved the way he would talk to me. I loved everything about him. I knew that sooner or later he was going to stop caring about me though. I knew he'd give up if I kept treating him the way I did. Part of me wanted him but the other didn't want him near me. If he does what people say then he only wants me for what I have and not for who I am. That's all that ever went through my mind.
I also didn't want to say yes to him because I knew people would talk crap about me. I didn't need that in my life. All the people at school would talk about how they thought that he was just using me. Inside I knew that Marcus would never use me like that. He had God in his heart. At least I thought he did. He went to church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday.
I prayed to God every night for Marcus. I prayed that he would be blessed and not be looking at girls the way I had heard. I also prayed that he would be able to prove to people someday that he wasn't what everyone thought of him. Marcus had later proved to me that those rumors weren't true. He showed me that he truly loved me for who I am. Everyday at school he would glance at me and then glance away. I would always smile and then look away. I wanted him to know that I had feelings for him without having to tell him but that was easier said than done. I wish I hadn't but I had always continued to treat him poorly. I would make him think that I wanted nothing to do with me because I guess I was still kind of afraid that he was what I had heard. I knew he wasn't but I couldn't read his mind. No one could read the mind of Marcus. He was always pretty kept to himself. He was very mysterious to me at the time. Which I loved. His eyes were so deep and dark that it was always so hard to read his thoughts. Although I couldn't read him through his eyes I could tell that I meant the world to him through his smile. His dimples could make any girls heart melt into pieces.
I was stupid back then though. I did something that I knew would break him. Something I knew would make him leave. Not because what I said was true but because I wanted to see if he loved me for who I was enough to stay with me no matter what. I told Marcus that I had a huge crush on Eli, his best friend. Saying that horrible lie is probably one of my biggest life regrets. Truth was I barely even liked Eli as a friend. He was nice and very smart but deep down inside I knew I would never like him like that. Saying that really hurt Marcus though. He almost gave up on me but I never gave up on him. Seeing his reaction made me realize that he wasn't joking when he asked me out or anytime before that. He was serious about wanting me and all I wanted was to know if he would stay with me no matter what. I got the answer I wanted but he didn't get the answer he wanted. Marcus almost gave up on me entirely leaving me breathless. I couldn't think strait, I was on the verge of losing it, I didn't know what to do so I kept talking to him trying to encourage him to not leave me like he did. After hours and hours of convincing it finally worked but things after that changed entirely.
He had became less interested in me. I still had never said yes to him yet because I honestly wasn't sure if his question would still stand. He quit talking to me and I hated it. The way he treated me after that grabbed my heart and pulled it right out of my chest. I knew at that point in time that I didn't only have a few feelings for Marcus but I loved him. Every part of me loved that boy and I knew that from them on I could never stop loving him the way I did at that particular moment.
Later, on the same day that I realized I loved Marcus I also became physically attracted to him. I remember that day just like it was yesterday. It was at a basketball game. I was a cheerleader and he managed the basketball team. He was still mad at me for what I had told him which really upset me. I was standing and cheering like I was supposed to be but every time I had gotten the chance I just couldn't help but stare at him. I'm sure that sounds absolutely creepy but it's the truth. That day Marcus was wearing a dark jacket and jeans. I have no idea why but in my opinion it made him look very attractive, more than he normally was. Every time I would glance at him he was talking to his friends and smiling. Those dimples made me want to cry when he smiled that day. I couldn't help but feel horrible for what I had done to him. Every time he looked at me I could see the hurt in his eyes and I knew that he was disgusted with what I had told him. I had felt so terrible that the same night I texted him and told him that I never had feelings for Eli. He didn't believe me but he talked to me like he used to again. He started flirting with me again. The next few weeks after that were perfect. He even bought be chocolates for Valentine's Day. He of course had to say they were from Eli but I knew they weren't. We both knew that they came from Marcus and his large beautiful heart. I remember finding them in my desk and I felt so blessed to have someone like Marcus in my life. Emma just laughed but I could tell that she was sort of jealous about it. Although she had already had another guy falling for her beautiful soul. She always has someone that liked her but I had Marcus who I knew loved me so dearly. I was just too stupid to say yes to him but on that very day deep down inside I knew that the next time he would ask me I would say yes and that our love for each other would be stronger than it ever was.
