It had been a week or so since the day I knew that I wanted to call Marcus my boyfriend. We still talked but nothing was the same as what it once was. He had been asking me out like every other day but that had stopped after the Eli thing. I actually wish it hadn't. At the time that was what I wanted but now I have realized that it was a mistake. I texted Marcus because it was late at night when I knew that I had to ask him to be mine this time. I first asked him if his question would still stand. He said well that depends on the answer that is given to me. Later on that night I texted him once again Sort of making my way through words so that I get him to ask me one more time. After a ton of texts I finally got him to ask me once again. At that point in time is when my heart was beating faster than a cheetah running. I thought wow, I am finally going to be with the one man I love and can call him mine and only mine. So, my answer was yes.
We had agreed to not tell anyone that we were together for a while. Mostly because I knew my parents wouldn't like me dating Marcus and I didn't want word to get out to them. I had told my parents more than once that Marcus was bad news. Now I realize that telling them that was a mistake. It would take tons of convincing to get them to let me be with Marcus. So we kept it from everyone for a few weeks but soon people started to find out at school. People didn't take it a bad as I expected they would have. Most of my close friends were very happy that o found someone that I had cared for so deeply. They didn't necessarily care for him but they were happy because I was happy. Later my parents found out and kept telling me so much crap about how lies are a horrible sin. They were trying to say things to make me feel bad about myself. It worked. I finally broke and texted it to my mom because I knew I couldn't face her and tell her that I had been lying to her for weeks. She just said that she was very disappointed on me which hurt far worse than a punishment. I deserved it though. What I had done was wrong but honestly I didn't think they would let me be with him. Little did I know that they wouldn't care as long as I was happy. They were upset with what I had done but not upset that I had fallen in love.
I think they didn't get very upset because they could tell I loved him. He was all I ever thought about and all I ever talked about. He was what I woke up thinking about and what was on my mind when I went to sleep. That boy stole my heart and had it locked in his pocket. He didn't know it but he was my everything. I loved him more than anything which probably wasn't a good thing. It wasn't technically a bad thing but I started putting him before everyone, even God. I always tried to stay in my word and I was a great follower of Christ before I let myself get on the wrong path. I refuse to blame Marcus for the mistakes I had made but he helped drag me down the wrong path. He cussed, he had seen more, he had known more about things that weren't so appropriate. He was the opposite of me. Although, the sad thing was I was him. I just hadn't realized it until after I became so close to him.
I grew so close to Marcus that he soon became the only reason I would attend school. I would sit not very far from him in homeroom. Just close enough to make eye contact with him whenever I wanted or needed to. Just a simple smile from him would make me happy. The best part about school at that time was holiday and birthday parties. We were allowed to sit by whoever we wanted to. Marcus always sat in the seat next to me. It was during a party that he held my hand for the first time. We were watching TV as a class. He was scared he would mess something up or push to quickly. I could tell because he was shaking like a scared dog. So I made the first move. I slowly moved my hand towards his and wrapped my fingers through his. I felt the warm feeling rush up my whole body. That feeling hadn't faded until I went to bed later that night. It felt like we held hands for hours. The feeling of a hand comforting you is the best feeling in the world. You feel so safe. He would rub his thumb across my hand every once in a while ever so gently that it felt as though my whole heart melted, in a large puddle right in front of me. I loved Marcus. I just wasn't sure if he loved me, or vise versa.
