The First, & Only One

Prologue

This is it.

A fresh new start in a brand new school. With new friends. As much as I am introverted, one needs to at least socialise to survive in a new terrain. Well, I'd eventually have to make friends. It's not like I will end up being that weird nerd who stays back after school and self-studies at the corner of the school library with a pile of books surrounding me. I really hope I don't end up that way.

It's kind of crazy to think that I'm finally about to start a new term in a new school. I'm finally gonna be like one of those big kids who I always see hanging out at void-decks after school, not that I'm going to do exactly that but I'm a big kid now. Twelve going on thirteen. I'm gonna be older, taking on new responsibilities, challenge new things, take on greater heights, and be much wiser if I ever get lucky. Also, it means that I'm one step closer to adulthood. It's still a long way to that but let's just make it a good thing.

On a side note, having a 3-year-old baby brother and me being the first born, my parents have always had high expectations of me. And I have always live up to that expectation. The need to study and to do academically well always came to me as an instinct. I wouldn't say I was born smart but there's a part of me that thinks I am smart although it seems ridiculously unconvincing. But it's like a local culture that makes this so true whereby the first child of the family always make it out as an achieving student. And I'm sure every first born child out there would agree that it's a total burden to try to live up to that in order to make your family proud.

And so here I am. At the next level of my country's education level - Secondary Level; where core subjects get tougher and on top of those subjects, students have to take those extra subjects like art, literature, design & technology(D&T), music, home economics. Upon learning this, I just felt utter weak. Like I'm suppose to score well not only for English, Mathematics, Sciences, Humanities, and Mother Tongue Language but also for those extra subjects too? Do they think we students are able to cope with such weight on our shoulders? I don't want to be quick with my assumptions but I seriously think that I can go bonkers studying so many subjects at once. There goes my goals and dreams of my future. Speaking of which, I never really have at all. Not up until I was in Primary 6. It's hard to believe that I actually gave up on being a vet just last year when I received my PSLE results.

I've never felt so devastated to think that I didn't do well enough to enter a better Secondary School. Sigh. It isn't satisfying enough, I thought. I could have done better but for no reason I just didn't put more effort to when I did ny revision before exams. It's just too late to cry over spilled milk. There really wasn't anyone else to blame but myself. Or probably I wasn't motivated enough or maybe the examiners were too lenient in their marking process.. I tried to figure out an excuse but to no vain my mind were blank then. I couldn't stop for a second to think when my form teacher handed me my results slip. When I looked at my grades, half of me was relieved and the other half just wanted to break down and run till earth's end. I remembered that memory vividly rooted inside my mind, when I stopped to face my mother waiting outside the class. The end of one side of my mouth inched up and I frowned slightly. Her face expressionless. Oh no, I thought. This probably isn't so good.

Me and mother didn't talk much that day or though maybe I just didn't felt like talking. I was just as upset as she is. And as always my father never let felt that way. Words of encouragement flowed out of him the entire day hoping I would feel better and put my feelings aside. I was so much as to appreciate that but no matter how hard I tried, I cried myself to sleep that very night.

So that was why I realised that when all else fails, you need to know that there are people close to you rooting for you even though you never noticed. There are people who led you to where you are right now. There are people who love you for who you are and lift you up when you are down. There are the ones who grow old with you and never stop thinking of you the whole time. These people, I want to keep them with me, for life.