At first I originally attended this to be about just Sehun, then the more I looked over it I kept thinking of Hunhan...
(And I guess a trigger warning if you have a problem with subtle suicide I suggest you don't continue on.)
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Maybe It all felt like a blur. Hot breaths, rough caresses. Always sending me into a sweet bliss, always making me thirst for more. Maybe he made me feel that way because I was alone, craving some sort of affection, not caring what kind.
The night when he first gave me that smoldering look, made something in me click. Hunger. Hunger for this one man looking at me from across the dimmly lit bar. I still remember his sweet scent. How it captivated me as I looked into his eyes slightly hidden behind his soft hair. That hair I enjoyed tangling my fingers through as he caused moans of his name to breathlessly leave my lips.
I shouldn't have allowed emotion to creep its way into this. The way he whispered softly in my ear, and held me made it inevitable. At times the feelings he left in my heart always sent quick shivers down my back, a tingling sensation throughout me. I never asked what was between us, I didn't want what we had to end. Even if it was only physical love he was the most, all I ever had. I couldn't call him mine, because he wasn't. But I was always his, it didn't need to be said. We both knew. We never needed to say much. He always seemed to understand me much more than myself. I still wish he had stayed, I wish he had allowed emotion to be involved. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt even more alone than before it had all started. Maybe I wouldn't be laying here in the tub slowly feeling the pills do their job. As my eyes begin to shut, and I gasp my last breath I think, maybe it wouldn't have felt like a blur.
