I was scared.
I was starting high school in a couple days and I was already having anxiety attacks.
Believe me. I hated the feeling and it wasn't because of high school. Of course, it should've been. But it was because of Wesley. Ever since our breakup, I've held this grudge. And to this day, i still hold it. What him and Giselle did. To me especially. Ever since, I've been craving revenge. I could taste it. His fear, his pain when Karma comes to gather him. Giselle? Oh yeah, we've spoken since then. And because her and I have had nothing but conflict during Wesley and I 's relationship, I decided to wrap her up and let her go. I didnt want a fight on the first day.
My fear of starting high school was so great, my heart raced every time someone asked if I was ready. I'd smile and lie and say "yes".
I prayed night after night not to be in the same classes with Wesley. God knew the crime I was going to commit with him in the same room as myself.
But as the days passed on and on, I became more confident. Prove to him that youre better off by yourself. And when the first day of school came and I walked past him on the way to my seat at lunch, I knew he was staring. And I knew he was laughing. Lying to his friends and telling them about how he dumped me. I knew it . I knew him and Giselle were going to date even when they both swore to God they didn't like each other. I knew it all along. The year before in junior high, Giselle and I secretly hated each other. She liked Wesley. She swore she didn't,but it was obvious. And Wesley liked her. I was young and stupid and I stayed with him. And when he embarrassed me and laughed in my face, I stayed. When he lied and swore and swore and swore, I stayed. And then one day, I grew balls and left. He begged for me to come back ,but I told him no. It was over. I was through with him , officially.
Of course I shed tears many nights but I said fuck it and let it go.
I still think about it. No lie. I see him and I still want to choke the life out of him ,but I don't . I just smile and keep walking because I know that even though this person that I'm in love with is doing nothing but trying to bring me down, I have to remember that theyre already below me. Therefore there is no point in stumbling down a steep hill to somebody thats not even going to help you get back up.
