Glow | Tokyo Ghoul

# 0 2 1｛ Broken Record ｝

— 2018

[ ! explicit content 2.5/5 ]

word count — 5266

[Mirélle]

❀

Being around Hide was the easiest thing to do.

   The armor that I had to put on every day just to get me through the week, weighed me down as the strange feeling I could only describe as black and blue, grew. Every day only got worse and I only felt heavier, but being around Hide...

   It was safe.

   It was safe to take that armor off. It was safe to let go and think about the trivial things without feeling like there was a leech on my back, sucking out my blood. And it was safe to cry about the realization of how light I could be.

   Unlike my emotions, the concept of comfort distorted in my brain, allowing images of others to materialize in my mind's eye.

   Harada Jin. Nara Tsuneo. Ueda Yukio. Yamashiro Haru. Guan Tzuching. Delafose Sumie. Nagachika Hideyoshi.

   Among several others. The conviction of having myself 'open' only around certain people deformed what was a reality, but I couldn't find a flaw in it. Then I recognized that: if I could be utterly naked to a handful of people, it was all right with me if they were that handful.

   What a risk, to add in someone new that I had only met three weeks ago. I'm being senseless.

   But Hide's someone I felt comfortable with; so comfortable that it was on the night that I drank with him for the first time that I almost caved in and left myself susceptible to his contemplation. After that first night...did he hear my voice? Or did he see what the others saw: a girl in shorts that spread her legs after one too many?

   It wasn't malicious or dirty. It felt...

   Never mind. It felt stupid. The fact of the matter is: I am that girl. But...

   I'm so fucking confused.

    "I thought he was already here?!" Hide complained, scratching his cheek.

    "That's what he told me! Arée, he must've told us to go downstairs earlier than we had to."

    "Why would he do that?"

   Embarrassed, I reached for my necklace and dragged the golden bird from side to side. "I think it's my fault; he's used to telling me to leave the house five minutes prior to actually arriving at my place."

    "Huh?" Hide was still bewildered, and I couldn't stop thinking to myself just how cute he looked. "But why? Do you wait for him for five minutes?"

    "No...I receive his call and I'm given a final five minutes to gather up all my things and be there right when he arrives. Sometimes we reach at the same time, other times, I'm a minute or two early or vice versa."

    "Jeez, an entire step-by-step plan."

   I laughed. "You could say that."

   With a sigh, Hide mumbled under his breath, and the urge to hold him was all that was on my mind. It only kept building up inside of me as we stood on the pavement in the morning sun, waiting for Jin and the rest to arrive. The breeze was cool enough for it to feel like winter, to put on a jacket and a scarf, but the sun was bright enough to burn my bare legs and put an arm over my eyes.