The Fear [Poem]

I want to visit him,

But I'm scared to.

I don't want to visit him,

But I'm scared not to.

He  has control over me,

Even now in this day.

And whenever I remember him,

I forgot what I wanted to say.

He is gone but still here,

And I don't know where to look.

With every step I take,

I know that we didn't close the book.

Raised voices make me scared,

Even when it's only a petty fight.

I would fall silent and wait,

Wanting to stop the fright.

Footsteps coming up the stairs,

It's the scariest existing sound.

Oh I'm so scared all the time,

Scared to be found.

It's all in the past but never over,

Because we are part of each other.

It's something I can't ever forget,

Because it did it for Mom and brother.

I don't regret standing up for them,

And trying to protect them from him.

Still seeing their faces this day,

Was worth every broken limb.

I only regret being a kid,

Because I believed it would get better.

But it only got better,

When I explained everything in that letter.

So now I am here,

Wondering if I should be smiling or crying.

He is not here anymore,

But it feels like I'm still denying.

Love him or hate him,

It's not as easy as it should be.

Still scared to anger him,

I don't dare to disagree.

Sometimes it feels like,

I have no will on my own.

But I know that in this world,

I will never be alone.

My love for Mom and brother,

Made me put away the rope.

And I found an understanding love,

Who gave me courage and hope.

People like me, before you give up,

Please listen to this first.

Whatever you might have done,

You should never be punished with a fist.

Violence is always wrong,

And you never deserve to be hit.

Some people underestimate this,

You have to live it before you get it.

I've been there and it hurt,

I know what it's done to me.

I want to help people like this,

Because I know it's hard to break free.

Everyone needs a guiding hand,

Because it's impossible alone.

Don't lie but scream for help,

Because it breaks more then just bone.

You might think you deserved it,

Or that they probably had a bad day.

But nothing you say or do,

Makes the bruises okay.

The only thing that should beat is a heart,

And violent people don't have one.

When you remain silent for their crime,

Then the damage is already done.

Cry out for help, please.