Breathe (Tronnor One-Shots)

Sincerely, Your Heart

Genre: Angsty fluff with a touch of comfort and a nice dash of hurt.

Word Count: 1.8k

Dear Troye,

I know we've had a rough go of things lately. I think I may have broken us. I'm sorry about that, I really didn't mean to, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I've been working really hard to stitch us back together, I hope you know that.

I'm sorry for a lot of things, actually.

I'm sorry I sped up when we ran into that boy who works at the coffee shop- I left you behind a little bit when I just rushed ahead like that and I know it must have hurt that I didn't stop even when you started to fall. I'm sorry I threw myself into everything about him so quickly, without even giving you a chance to catch your breath from the descent. I didn't mean to do that, either, and I know how hard it was for you to love me when I was off loving somebody else.

I'm really sorry about falling apart on you so often, too. Like when Mum said we should be more like the others and tried to put you in that dress or when that boy, the one I let you fall for, stopped smiling back at you when you went to get your coffee (I think he's just sad you didn't go talk to him like I said you should). It's just so hard to stay together sometimes, especially when I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions. I'm not saying it's your fault, just that it's not easy when we want different things like we do more often than not nowadays.

I'm sorry I let you build yourself so concretely around me the day we met and didn't check first to see if you fit. I hate when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see because sometimes it feels like you don't like me, either. I know it's not really my fault and those hormones you take are helping, but I just wish I could have done something before everyone you loved starting questioning me, demanding to know if there was something wrong with me.

It hurt. I didn't want to tell you, but I can never hide a thing from you. I didn't know how to say there was nothing wrong with me, it was you that was the problem. Not all of you, of course, just the parts neither of us have ever liked. I was worried you'd hate me if I told you what was wrong with them, but I realize now I should have said it sooner. I know how hard it was to think you knew what the problem was but not be able to confirm it.

We're a little too codependent sometimes, in that regard. You have trouble making decisions or knowing for sure how you feel about something without me, which can be a real issue when I'm too busy trying to stitch myself back together to make time to help you feel things out.

I'm especially sorry I let that kid in tenth grade take me away from you. I didn't want to go, I swear I didn't, and I honestly did try to fight it, but he had a strong grip and I was worried he'd crush me if I resisted any more than I did. I know you're still hurt by it and you haven't quite forgiven me yet, but I'm trying really hard to make things work between us again. I feel like we've fallen a little out of sync ever since I came back to you all bruised and bloody and I can't help but feel guilty that you keep checking me over to see if my injuries have healed. Every time you poke and prod at them you just make them hurt all over again. I wish you would stop, it isn't good for us.

I'm sorry I'm so energetic sometimes. I know it gets exhausting, keeping me in check, and I can see how much it's wearing on you to have to constantly try to calm me down. I'm afraid I can't help being easily excited over things any more than I can help how scared I am of everything. I'm so used to you wrapped around me that sometimes I have trouble seeing the world beyond us and I get a little overeager when I finally catch a glimpse. I hope you can forgive me for that, seeing as it's something I'm not sure I can change. I'll keep trying, though, so please be patient with me.