Fixing Up Valerie

Where's The Ice? - 9

Friday Morning - four days later
Caleb tried asking me if I was okay. Obviously not. Okay isn't even an honest answer, you can ask anyone that question and they'll just say yes. But deep down they're not okay, it's just no one really cares: they don't expect you to reply honestly. You can just tell them yes and there's the end of that conversation. Everyone asks me that damn 3 word question- even Carol, although when Caleb asks me he actually looks like it matters what I say back to him.

But I don't. I don't answer him, I either walk away from him to my next class. Or in writing I just simply talk about the project, but I guess Caleb wasn't taking any of it today.
"Valerie just answer me! My mom didn't mean to make you sad and I want to help you." I scoff. Help? I'm not mentally ill, I don't suffer anything severe, just a broken heart. Caleb gets up and pulls me up with him, "c'mere." And with that he takes me into the hallway, not a single person in sight. Great.

We continue walking through the hall ways until Caleb feels that there won't be anyone listening. He suddenly stops and turns to me. He leans in and looks at me in the eyes, oh god is he gonna kiss me? My thoughts were wrong when he turns and leans closer to my ear and whispers, "I saw the cuts on your arms," I gasp and manage to get out of his grasp but he's not looking at my face; he's staring at my hands. He knows what I did to myself, I'm caught. He's going to tell everyone he knows here at school . I'm a freak show in his eyes. I quickly put my hands behind my back, "what are you gonna do now Caleb? Tell everyone that I'm some freak or an attention seeker? Go ahead, see if I care, I don't have any friends anyways so go ruin my chance of every getting anyone."

But the truth is I do care. I hate being alone-- I mean yeah I have Carol but she's basically my guardian. And if I had any shot of gaining a friend, Caleb here ruined it. I should threaten Caleb back but I can't, there's nothing to say back but to defend myself. He's not what I expected-- but then again, what did I expect him to be? I look at him again and noticed he took a couple steps back.

"Valerie! Open your eyes and quit being so oblivious! I'm trying to help you, I don't want you to be like this or stay like this. You deserve to experience being happy-" I scoff and shake my head.
"I already experienced being happy and it decided to get cut off months ago. I deserve not to feel anything! I don't want to feel, I'm sick of it, I just wanna be numb!," Where's the Ice when you need it?. "And your not making it any better for me Caleb. So do me a favor and fuck off my life." And with that I just broke down, hard.

I'm hearing someone trying to call my name but I can't seem to speak. Can't see anything either, where am I?
I suddenly feel something cold on my skin, ice? "Valerie". And this time I hear better no longer muffled, someone's calling me out of the dark. I start feeling heavy, like really heavy. I've never found it so hard to open my eyes until now and it's scaring me. Shaking too, am I shaking or is someone shaking me? My name is getting called again but it seems to get louder, I finally get the strength and open my eyes. White.

An hour later - 11:30 am
"So Ms. Valerie, you understand that you have to attend all these appointments, correct?," he takes his eyes off the clipboard to me and I nod. "Great. Well that's it for now and we just need your aunt to sign you out and you'll be on your way," he shakes my hand and then carols, or should I say my aunt. He heads to the door and opens it but before he goes through he turns back to look at me and gives me the smile. The pity smile. "In the front desk they'll give you the paper to excuse you the whole week for school next week. So please, take that into consideration and get lots of rest." I nod again and with that he leaves.

As we walk through the halls in the cold hospital I try to remember what just occurred on the past hour. Although I can't seem to focus since  my brain feels all fuzzy. I turn left and head to the front desk with Carol by my side. I waited for her to sign all that stuff the doctor told her to do. Once she was done we left the awful place and headed to her car, I've noticed she hasn't said a word to me at all. Is she waiting for me to start the conversation?

"Hey uh, Carol? What exactly happened to me?"  She keeps driving and I almost believe she's ignoring me until the light flashes red and she turns to me. "You don't remember what happened?"
I shake my head. The light turns green and Carol continues to drive, a few minutes after an awkward silence she sighs. "Well, I don't exactly know all the details since I wasn't there, but the ambulance said you had a horrible anxiety attack. I asked the guy that carried you on to the gurney who called and said it was Caleb," she turns to look at me for a second to see my reaction and looks back on the road. Caleb? And then it all comes back to me, he knows.

Caleb knows about the cuts on my arms, and basically the whole school saw me get in the ambulance. Pretty sure people will put two and two together and figure it out. Caleb also knows about my parents, I doubt he'd keep this information to himself. He could basically become the most popular kid at school.

All these thoughts bombard my brain and it stresses me out but the only thing keeping me from going haywire is that I won't be there for a week. A week without eggheads