D E L U S I O N

P R O L O G U E

January 10, 2015

Spencer's P.O.V.

Trying to calm myself down while wiping the dried tears on my cheeks, I'm pretty sure I look miserable. Setting aside all my not-so-important thoughts about how I look I finally arrived at his front door. I tried to knock several times until he finally decided to open the door. I can tell that he just woke up because of how messy his hair is and how he scratches his eyes like he's blinded by the lights.


" Hey " I murmured as I try to look at him straight in the eye but failing. " I have to tell you something important " I confessed as I lead him inside so that we could talk more privately. My heart beats quickly, nervous of how he will react to this. " Are your parents home? " I asked clearly don't know how to start the conversation." They're on some meeting in Los Angeles " He managed to say as he closes the door and fixes his hair. "Okay" he sighed walking towards the kitchen counter " Do, you want something to drink or eat before we talk? "

" I think I'll to pass this time " I smiled as I warm myself up. It's not actually cold and chilly it's just that I'm so nervous. " uhm, so yeah as I was saying " I stutter out as he prepares himself a cup of hot chocolate. " I just, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything that I've done. I'm sorry for just walking out on you like that " I bit my lip, while waiting for him to respond. " That's okay, I guess. I mean I'm used to these kind of things you know " He said as he scratch the back of his neck clearly not agreeing and accepting my apology. " You don't understand you have every right to be mad at me right now " I groaned as I reach out for his hands. He squeezed my hands telling me to go on as he looks at me questioningly. " I cheated on you " I said as I look up into his grey eyes. I expect him to shout and throw things at me, I am beyond prepare on what he can do but why is he so... calm and beyond confuse?

" Why? " he asked looking straight into my blue-green orbs. Before I can reply he spoke the words that I didn't expect him to say. " Why are you saying this to me? " he asked while caressing my cheeks that're probably rosy due to the temperature and nervousness that I'm feeling. " Your my boyfriend, right? " I carefully asked emphasizing every word for him to understand me because of my stuttering. " right? " repeating it louder this time giving him a signal that I want him to reply with a clear and acceptable answer. " We kiss, hold hands and go out but that doesn't mean that you're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend. " I stared at him shocked, not knowing what to say I slapped his hand away from my cheeks and started gathering my things from the couch. " Spence " him stating my nickname makes my blood boil from anger. " Don't you dare call me that and don't you fucking dare go near me ever again. I loved you Damon, heck I still love you. I should've known that you're not into me. You used me ! " I shouted pointing my finger at him. " Oh wait, silly me. You didn't use me, I let myself fall for someone that doesn't care about anyone or anything. So, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for blaming it all on you when the real person to blame is me " I hated this feeling and I hate it when people try to calm you down just because you're crying. Pitying on someone doesn't solve the problem she's carrying and it can never erase the scar that other person created so I think it's better to back off before getting involve. 

I was about to go out when his hand took my wrist. " Spencer, I " staring back at his eyes with a hint of hope that maybe he did felt something for me. " Spencer, please don't leave. We can talk about this. " 

" There's nothing to talk about Damon " I spat. " Spencer, I care about you. I care for you " he pleaded placing his hand on my waist and the other touching my hand, his thumb slowly stroking my thumb comforting me. Reality finally waking me up " You should know by now the difference between caring for someone and loving someone, Damon. " I shouted slapping him. 

Running away from his house not caring if I'm way too fast because all I wanted is for me to be far away as possible from Damon. It hurts so much, I hate the pain. The pain is killing me, eating me alive. My heart aches, I don't know what to do, what to feel. I can't hold it anymore. I know the consequences yet I still went further, I still let myself go with the flow. I should've known that for every happiness there will always be sadness waiting for you at the end.

I'd be a hypocrite if I'll keep on telling myself that I hate him because I don't, I love him and that's the biggest mistake I made but I know it will always be the mistake that scarred me and will forever haunt me. You know the worst part? I still want him even though he's the biggest lie in my life and the most regretful thing that has ever happened to me.

*****

Author's Note

Hi !!, this is my first story so I'm no good at writing stories but thank you anyway for checking it out. Btw, let me know what you think: what is good and not good. Thank you again for making time for my crappy writing. 

Yours truly, 

   Jes, xx