My Life In Words

All The Pain

2010, 24th Febuary.
It's been 9 years, since I lost my father.
It's been 10 years, since I got born.
It's been 4 years, since I moved to a new family again.
I'm in 6th grade in school.
I have no real friends, cause my "friends" just use me.
Always when I'm thinking about the word "friend".
I was all alone, all the time.
People really hated me.
Not only for what I've been though without, because how I look, the kind of music I was listing on.
People start to call me bad words, such like "bitch", "faggot", "emowhore", "gay" and much more.
I was hated by the whole school, and because of that, I could not stop thinking of it, so I was useless in the class suddenly.
I never kissed a girl, I never talked to a girl, without my stepmom, yes.
My stepparents didn't told me what happen before, when I was 3 years old.
Something was missing, but i didn't remember what.
---------------------------
When I came home from the school, I sat on the my bed, thinking.
I walked to my computer, and got in to Facebook.
I got a new friend requests, from a girl.
Her name was Malin Berg, I looked at her profile picture.
"I know that girl!", I thinked.
I accept the requests of course, and send a message, "Who are you? I know you from somewhere, but I don't know where."
I sended it.
Any hours later I got a message back, "Hello! Sorry for a late answer, but, anyway.. I am your sister, I'm 14 years old, you don't remember?" She asked me on the message.
My heart, start to feel warm, but in the same time cold.
I was happy, but still not.
"Why aren't you living with us?", I asked while I took a deep breath and send it.
"Oskar.." she typed first.
"I've changed my name to Felix, our father had that name, right? Oskar are my middle name." I wrote.
A few secunds, I got a answer again, "Our father are dead, mom are somewhere.
Do you remember Victoria, Lucas and Jacob?" She asked me.
My heart got ice cold again, I start to cry, it took any minutes for me to remember them, when I did, I said,"Are they with you?!".
I got a fast answer, "I though they were with you..".
I close my computer, and layed in my bed, try not to scream.
I walked to the kitchen, took knife and cut a little mark on my shoulder, since nobody were home, I wash the knife and put it in the same place again.
When my step parents came home, I start to scream, things like "Why did you lied to me?! Why did you not told me about my father?! My mom?! That I have siblings?!".
I didn't got a normal answer, so I ran into my room, and lock the door.