The last day of forever
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It was my first day of school. My parents had me transfer schools because at the last school, no one really liked me. I used to have lots of friends. Until I started getting bullied on the Internet. I think they left because they didn't want to get teased. Honestly, I don't really know why. But it's my first day. I have to make an impression.
By third period I'm already the laughing stalk. People are tripping me in the hallways and pushing me into lockers. I don't understand what I did to them. I end up just skipping lunch. I hide in the janitors closet and cry. The only awkward part was when the janitor walked in and grabbed the mop. He just looked at me like I was crazy. But I'm used to it by now. I stopped caring about stuff like that a long time ago. Now I probably respond to stupid faster then my own name. By the way my name is Stacey. I sit up when I start to hear a chant in the hallways. "Stupid Stacey has no brain. Cuts her skin and feels no pain." After I repeated about 5 times they all started screaming " kill yourself bitch!! Die!" I step out of the janitors closet and find myself standing in the middle of a food fight. Only it was all towards me. Luckily I had other clothes in my locker. Thank god. I would hate to walk around all day and smell like tuna sandwiches and Caesar salad. I walk into the next class and I see i sign in front of my desk. It says: " Beware of Dog." I clench my teeth and sit myself down. I see a note on the floor. Which I just picked up- I don't know why I did. I just did. I read it trying to choke back tears.
"Did you see the new kid? It looks like her face got caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork!"
"Lol! I know right! What a faggot!"
"Ikr! Her face scares me! She should work in haunted house! She wouldn't need a mask or anything!"
"Yeah but people go in there to get scared! Not to get scarred for life!"
"HAHAHA"
I just try to ignore it but- its hard. The last class of the day I got about 20 spitballs in the back of the head. All I hear was laughter. So, I just close my eyes and wait for the bell to ring.
....later that day....
I sit on the edge of my bed holding the blade to my wrist. I slowly cut into my skin and watch the blood ooze out. I swear on my arm I have more cuts and scars on them than I had skin. People ask me if it hurts sometimes, but really when your crying so much you don't really feel anything. It's the pain of the words, or the punches. Not so much the cuts. I have a lump in my throat from all the crying. I get the feeling all the time. Your almost choking on your own tears. My guidance consoler asked me why I cut. When really the question is why not cut? They just don't understand how you look in the mirror and the blade just calls your name. The hard part is not killing yourself. I just don't understand why I'm still here. I hear the bing from my phone. I walk over too it and look at the screen. It says: "die faggot! No one likes you!" I hold my head in my hands as I cry. It's not my fault I like girls. Why can't I just be normal. Why god? Why does god hate me so much? Well it was my parents that put me here. They don't even live with me! They probably don't even remember my name. There to busy drinking. I wonder if they even remembered they had a daughter. Im just done with everything. I can't take life anymore. I can't go forward with life, being a giant mistake. I can't do anything right. No one even likes me. Maybe fate was just for me to die. I stick my hand underneath my bed and grab a bottle of pills. I read the note on the bottle that says "are you sure?" I nod my head. I take about 25 pills and lie on my bed. I would write a suicide note but there's no one in my life the read it. I cut myself for the last time and look up to the ceiling. My eyes and read and puffy from all the tears. Soon I'll be gone and I will finally be happy. I won't have to care anymore. I close my eyes for the last time and I think: maybe there's a heaven for the outcasts. But I'm ready to let go now. I guess I should stop scarring children. I squeeze my eyes together having flash backs of being picked last always for sports, being the laughing stalk, all the words, the signs, the chants, the notes, the pain. I tried so hard. Trying to fight my never ending battle. But I lost. I'm just broken. Waiting to get fixed. So this what it feels like to die. So this is it. Bye. For forever. My body relaxes. Letting all the pain get sucked out of body. I don't feel anything anymore. I look down and I see myself lying there dead. I look at my hands. There a pasty clear white colour. It's finally over. I see a golden stair way appear. As I walk up, I look back down to my lifeless, scarred body and smile. It's finally over. It's finally done. Thank you.
