A dangerous diversion

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Alice fumbled with her bikini top under her T shirt eventually managing to get it done up properly.  It certainly would be easier not to have to bother with the thing.  She was starting to get used to her mother showing off her boobs to anyone who was looking but certainly wasn’t ready to follow her example.  It was now Friday morning and they were approaching the mid point of their week long holiday.  Alice lay back on the sun lounger feeling the warm sun and the cooling breeze off the sea.  She was actually starting to enjoy herself and relax a bit.  Her relationship with Maggie was moving away from that of mother and child to that of two adults who in spite of their differences were working to get along with each other.  Of course you never stop being a mother and however old you are you never stop being someone’s child but as time goes by new levels of understanding keep emerging.  The news that her parents had once been inept fumbling teenagers struggling to have sex, just like her and Leo, had come as a revelation to her.  Alice found it hard to imagine her parents having sex but of course they must have done it or else she wouldn’t have been born.  And what about her grandparents?  Maggie’s parents had both died and her father’s parents were both quite old and frail.  Try as she might she just couldn’t imagine her grandma and granddad swept away by youthful passion, aching for each other in the way that she was aching for Leo.  But people fifty years ago, a hundred years ago or a thousand years ago had the same feelings that people have today and would do so for as long as humankind continued to exist.   It was easy for Alice to feel that she was the only person in the world ever to get in an emotional mess over someone.  She realised that this was a crazy thought and that she was in good company but she couldn’t quite get out of her head the idea that she was uniquely inept at relationships.

She imagined her and Leo making love in perfect harmony; wave after wave of passion sweeping through their bodies and then remembered the awful reality.  Alice wasn’t quite sure any more exactly what had gone wrong but what she had imagined as an evening of ecstatic sex followed by sleeping in each others arms had degenerated into a messy failure after which they had spent the night sleepless on opposite sides of a double bed, as far away from each other as possible, both wanting to say something but neither able to find the right words.   Alice had managed to put on a brave face when she had got home letting Maggie think that her tiredness was due to enjoying herself too much and then had gone to her room and cried herself to sleep without even getting undressed.  When she’d woken up in the middle of the night there were still tears in her eyes; she felt sick with exhaustion; utterly wretched and there was horrible taste in her mouth because she hadn’t cleaned her teeth.  Worst of all there was no one she could tell.  Every day she would have to go out with a smile on her face while her heart was quietly weeping.

Now there was a chink of light at the end of the tunnel.  Talking about it with her mother had lifted a huge weight off her mind and she was going to get another chance with Leo.  One part of her was desperate to get back to him but another part was still afraid and wished that they’d come away for two weeks instead of one.

Alice listened to the soothing sound of the sea lapping on the shore, each wave a gentle massage of sound washing away her worries.  She turned over and lay on her front which made her bikini top feel very uncomfortable so she pulled it off taking great care to keep in contact the towel.  She was starting to feel blissfully relaxed when she suddenly heard Jan’s voice.  “Good morning ladies how are you?” he said.  Alice didn’t know quite what do.  It would be impolite to just lie there facing away from him and quickly putting her top back on would be very fiddly.  Her whole body was lying on the towel and couldn’t easily wrap it round herself, so she sat up with an arm across her front.  Then she saw that Jan had a young man with him perhaps a few years older than her; tall, tanned and muscular with curly sun bleached hair.  She saw his eyes scanning up and down her body and pulled her arm closer looking down to check that she was covering herself properly.  “This is my son Pieter,” said Jan, “he arrived on the ferry this morning.  I didn’t even know he was coming.”  Alice was amazed that her mother was casually chatting with Jan without making any attempt to cover herself up while being increasingly aware of Pieter stealing furtive glances at her and was starting to feel that her arm was becoming transparent.  But she couldn’t help stealing furtive glances back because he was one of the best looking guys she had ever seen.  After a few minutes they moved on down the beach towards where Maggie had said nudity was practiced.   Alice continued to sit up staring down the beach after them.

“Don’t look at him like that,” said Maggie, “you’ve got a boyfriend.”

“But Mum he’s gorgeous and Leo and I aren’t officially back together again.”

“Don’t give me that official nonsense.  Leo’s your boyfriend and you know it.  If you have a fling with Pieter you’ll regret it forever.”

“But you spent the night with Jan.”

“No I didn’t, I spent the night at his house which is something else.  Your fucking father, sorry, your father left me and if I had slept with Jan it wouldn’t have mattered.  Your situation is completely different.  Oh, and by the way I can see your nipples.”

Alice quickly lay down again on her front and tried to relax but the calm that she’d felt five minutes before was replaced by a new turmoil in her head.

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