Edward the Wolf (twilight fanfiction)

Chapter 15

Almost

After dinner I sat in the living room reading while Emmett played video games and the girls talked about some fashion magazines. Carlisle and Esme were upstairs in his study reading as well.

I tried to focus on the book but my mind constantly wandered back to Bella. Every word in the book somehow reminded me of her. After sometime I just gave up and pretended to watch Emmett playing, but my mind kept thinking of a certain brunette. It was like none of the things mattered to me anymore if she wasn't part of it. It seemed like she ruined everything for me, but it wasn't her fault. I could never blame her.

I kept asking myself the same questions. Is she safe? Is she happy? Does she think about me at all? Perhaps miss me... -I shivered at the thought. It was frustrating not knowing the answers. The same urge to run back to Forks and check on her came back just like the day before we had met. This time it seemed much more powerful because now I knew who would I find if I just let the urges control me.

The vision what Alice put into my head, before dinner, came to my mind. I felt the hole again in my chest and I unintentionally rubbed the place. The image was really painful. And all my instincts screamed at me to not let it come true. I knew it was selfish from me to not let Bella be with someone else while she wasn't mine. But I wanted her to be mine, I really did. I imagined my life with Bella. She waiting me smiling in the door as I get home from work, her belly swollen and my grandmother's ring on her finger. I imagined how would are children look. Would they have brown or green eyes, brown or bronze hair? I almost smiled at our possible future together. But then I remembered that I was dangerous. That she deserved better than a monster.

Jasper was the one who snapped me out of my thoughts when he entered the house. I looked at the clock and saw it was time for my night patrol. I stood up and was ready to go but a hand on my shoulder sropped me. I looked back and saw Carlisle holding me back, I didn't even notice him coming down. I gave him a questioning look.

"Son, I think it would be better if Emmett and Rose would take the night patrol." He said. And I could tell he was trying not to offend me.

I shook my head instantly disagreeing. I was perfectly fine now. I didn't want them treating me any different. I didn't need their pity, I could take care of myself. "No need to. I can do it." I said and shook his hold off of me and went outside ready to phase. But Rose and Emmett passed me and turned into a wolf and they were out of my sight before I could protest.

I huffed in annoyance and sat down on the stairs in front of the house. I heard somone doing the same, from the scent I knew it was Jasper. The others went inside leaving us in a comfortable silence. I stared at the woods but I felt my brother's eyes on me. After a few minutes he broke the silence.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"Why do you keep asking this?" I shook my head in frustration. "I can take care of myself."

"We are worried about you. And we know you can take care of yourself. We just want you to know that you don't always have to. You have us now. We can help you." His calm voice eased some of my frustration. I thought about what he said. It would be good to have someone, who you can tell anything and they would help you and love you all the same, no matter what you do. I now that I wanted Bella to be that person to me. But right now, I needed Jasper to help me to organise my thoughts because there were too many for me.

"I-I just don't know what to do." I rubbed my face.

"Do you love her?" That was difficult one. I didn't know what true love was. I felt protective of Bella and I was jealous when she talked to anyone else -even the teachers. And it was clear that I missed her all the time when she wasn't with me and I wanted her. I wanted her badly.

All the things what I heard from the others head when they fell in love were similar to my thoughts so I guess I have the answer. "Yes." And as I admitted I realised how true was that statement. I loved her and I desperately wanted, no, needed her to love me back.

I looked at Jasper and saw him smiling at me. "Then what's the matter? You love her then get her to love you." He said like it was the easiest thing to do.

"It's not that simple. What if I hurt her?" I wispered.

Jasper looked at me with understanding in his eyes. "I know where you are coming from Edward. But do you really belive that you could hurt her?" I couldn't even imagine it, but accidents happen.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I did." I said my voice was jut above a wisper.

My brother let out a deep breath and shook his head. "That was a so different situation like this one Edward." My anger rose.

"Different? Tell me Jasper how can be any different? I care for someone and I just gonna hurt her." I felt the pain in my chest squeezing my heart.

"Because you are not a young werewolf anymore, now you are one of the oldest one and with the best temper I know of. And it wasn't your fault that you lost your temper on that day, if he just have shut up..." He trailed off, probably he didn't want to remind me of it, like I could ever forget. I couldn't, he made that sure. "And even if you don't realise it yet, you love Bella more than anything, she is your world, you would never hurt her and you shouldn't decide for her. She is your imprint, she might be a human but she can feel the connection between you two. If you stay away from her, it will hurt her too." When he was done I felt more confident. He was right I am not the same. And Bella was not my old family I would never hurt her and when I feel myself ready to phase I just have to get away from her. And she was 17, that meant after 2 years we would be the same age and then I can quit phasing and have peaceful life with her. So maybe I can be with her. But there is the part still that I am broken in the inside, no matter how much I want to hide it. I would never forgive myself after what had happened, I always shut my family out because I didn't want them to be too close to me.

My gaze wandered to the scars on my arm and I shuddered. No, I couldn't be with her and I was selfish that I wanted her. She wouldn't even love me, the second she realises what I am, she would be diguisted and I wasn't strong enough to take that.

I looked at my brother in the eyes as I spoke.  "Thank you" I wispered, I knew he thought that I would get Bella now, but I was a good lier.

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Thanks for reading it, sorry for the grammar mistakes. I hope you liked it.