Would They Care If I Was Gone? A Jahvie fanfic ((BoyxBoy))

Chp. 5: Guess what honey, I'm a freak! (Part two)

Dedicated to the amazing GionaHope <3

Go check her stories, she's perf ;) :*

Stephanie (Juliet Simms (Andy Biersack's gf;)) ->

((Meeeeeh...;))

Jayy's POV:

"What do you wanna do today? Y'know it's Saturday, but because of all those religious holidays we don't have school tomorrow" I say quickly to avoid the awkward silence between us. "Hmm, idk... What about going for a walk? Or we could go skating?" Dahvie asks unsure of what to say. I'm so sorry for him. Going into the hallways alone in that horrible school every motherfucking day, it must be harder on him than it looks like. I'm sure you get pretty good at hiding it in the end. I look at Dahvie as he stares into space, deep in thoughts, and a tear forms in his eyes before he angrily blinks it away. No matter what he might say, I'm sure he's not okay. Not at all...

"Dahvie, hun what's wrong? Please tell me Dahv." I say quietly as I move to stand right in front of him in the bathroom. It tortures me to see him fighting an internal fight without being able to help him win. He sighs and his eyes meet mine for a second before he lets his gaze return to the floor in front of him. "I... I can't tell you Jayy." His eyes meet mine again and his gaze is filled with pain and sorrow. "Why Dahvie? I can't watch you, broken like this! Please let me help you, I beg you Dahv..." I say pleading with a sad twist in my voice and gaze. "I-I just can't J-Jayy. I d-don't wanna lose you!" He stumbles over his words before breaking into sobs.

I step closer and he lean against my shoulder. I hold my arms closely around his waist. As his sobs start to get more controlled and silent, I lift Dahvie up bridal style. His face is still hid in my shoulder as I lay him down on my bed. I lay down beside him and he cuddles up to me - just admit it, he's so cute and fragile - I put my hand on his hip and play with his hair with the other hand. His sobs start turning into small irregular breaths until he drifts into a hopefully peaceful sleep. I move a little closer to him and lean to his ear "No matter what, love, I'd never leave you. Trust me, I can't leave you, you're too precious to me." My lips brush gently over his ear, as I whisper silently but filled with emotion. I know he heard it somewhere in his dream. I just hope he believes it.

I cuddle up to Dahvie and drift into a really vivid dream.

...

"Hey faggot, missed me?" I hear a evil and way too familiar voice somewhere near me. I'm in a dark room and I can't even see my hand in front of me. "You know... He will NEVER love you, you worthless piece of shit!" The voice growls and laughs like a maniac. I sob quietly. "Stop whining like the little girl you are!"

I feel a tear roll slowly down my chin. And I feel a fist collide with my cheekbone. The pain stings as hell but I try to keep silent. "Didn't I tell you to stop crying fag?" The voice asks meanly. "I really don't get how your mother and sister can live in the same house as you, even the same city!" I close my eyes and try to hold his voice out, but I'm not able to move my arms. "No wonder I left, huh? You were just too pathetic for me to stay!" I feel his boot collide with my rips, and I gasp, as the air is pushed out of my lungs. "No, please don't! Please stop! Don't do this to me!!! NOT AGAIN! Leave me alone" I yell loudly and break down crying violently. "Why would I? Did I stop last time you pleaded like the little worthless bitch you are?" He laughed and I remember all the times he abused me when he still lived with us.

"Please don't! I beg you... Dad." I let the tears flow freely as I remember all the pain my father ever caused me. "Don't you call me Dad again, you piece of shit! You aren't my son anymore, you never was!" I feel his fists punch all over my body until he stops.

"You know, there's another way..." My father says in a dangerously low voice. All of a sudden a light comes down from nowhere and in the little light on the ground I see a razorblade. The first razorblade I ever used. It's stained in new blood and I crawl towards it. I look at my arms in the light and I see new scars appear on my skin. The blood starts flowing from the cuts and I reach for the razor, now dripping with blood that must be mine.

I take it up and let it open my skin over and over again and the pain and pleasure keeps me going. I feel a hard punch from behind, hitting my head. I drop the razor and fall over, landing on the ground that's colored a dark crimson red from my blood. I get turned over and my dad sits on top of me. The darkness is still deep, but I see his eyes. They're filled with hatred and cruelty. He grasps my wrists and pushes down on my fresh cuts, making the pain shoot stinging through my body. My dad laughs cruelly "Everybody would be better off without you... If you die tonight people will be relieved! Y'know you're just a burden on everybody's shoulders"

I start shaking, trying to get him off of me, but he's too strong. "As soon as Dahvie finds out exactly how much of a freak you are he'll run off like I did." He said and I begin crying louder than ever. "So weak, little freak!" I feel hands shake me, and a voice far away shouts for me to wake up. I shake and start waking up.

As I wake up I see my sister Stephanie in front of me, shaking my shoulder making me wakeup, my mom and Dahvie is right next to her, their faces filled with worry for me. I break down crying and Dahvie and Stephanie come over holding me, trying to comfort me again. My sister sends me a questioning look and I give her a small nod. She knows everything about me. Everything from that our dad used to abuse me and me being gay to my nightmares, it's almost always the same, not entirely but it's always some of the same things happening. I haven't told my mom. She shouldn't worry about it, she got left by her husband, and she has two teenage children. She can't take much more.

I turn to Dahvie whose face and eyes are filled with worry. I lean against him. My mother and sister leave the room, like if they knew I just wanted to be alone with Dahvie right now. I'm about to lay my arms around him as pain shoots through my arms and wrists, so I look down to see read nail scratch marks all over my lower arms. Luckily they cover my scars.

I quickly hide them behind my back but Dahvie gives me a relaxing look and softly grasps my arms above the marks. He pulls my arms gently in front of my body, between us. I look at his eyes and see sorrow, some of the old scars show underneath the scratches. I close my eyes and expect him to comment or just leave, but instead he bows down over my arms, I feel his long hair tickle my arms lightly.

But what really get my attention is that Dahvie softly plants kisses on top of the scratches and scars. He works his way all the way up my arm and when he's done he lifts his gaze up to look in my eyes. "Where else hun?" He says silently in a voice that instantly makes me trust him enough to show him. So I sit more up and show him my hips, which are covered in both fresh and faded cuts. I hear him gasp and my eyes meet his, as he slowly and quietly lets tears flow down his chins. He looks at me with a look that clearly said "Please tell me that's all" but I shake my head slowly, barely noticeable.

I reach for the bottom of the right leg on my knee long shorts and I pull them up, showing a few more cuts, most of them old enough to be scars instead of wounds. I look up at Dahvie who takes my hands and sends me a look filled with sorrow. He looks so shocked at me and his tears keep flowing silently. He moves over to hug me but pulls away from me way too fast for my liking. But I guess he don't want to be too close to me.

I mean look at me.

I'm so broken!

I'm such a freak...

((End of this part;))

So... There's gonna be one more part of this chapter, and I'll try to update ASAP, but I'm going on a camp-thingy with my class from Wednesday to Friday and there's school Tuesday. But I should be able to get it finished to Tuesday, no promises ;) 

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Please also check out GionaHope 's stories, she's an amazing writer and an beautiful, funny and amazing friend of mine <3

Last, not least... Stay tuned for next chapter!