“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss
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Happy.
I’ve never understood what that word means. It was just a phrase for me, five letters, that didn’t mean a thing. When somebody asked me how I was, the answer was always: “Fine, thank you“. The most painful thing about it was that they just nodded and continued to talk – they did not look into my eyes, so they couldn’t see the dark place in my soul.
In my best moments, I was almost content with my life – but I was never happy. My childhood was brilliant, though. My loving silly mother wanted me so much, that she gave me all the love she could. My dad was the most amazing father you can imagine. I can swear I was the most loved child ever. When I say that, it sounds perfect. My whole life seemed perfect from the outside – I’ve had a lot of acquaintances. I don’t think that I would call some of them friends.
I always felt unloved. It is very stupid, because my parents would do anything for me. Maybe that was the problem – I expected everyone to be like them and do anything I’ve ever wanted. And that never happened.
I always expected my life to get better and when I’ve got the chance of my life, I thought it was the breaking moment. I thought that my life would dramatically change and I would – for the first time of my life – know what it means to be content with the way my life was going.
And I was – for a moment.
But happiness is unstable.
