Enigmatic Numbness

4: A Past of Lonesome

Kieran was lying on the bed with his arms up and hands under his head.

“Sorry I took so long,” Aruna said quietly with her arms around her stomach. Kieran sat up and patted the spot next to him on the bed. Aruna walked forward and sat against the head board of the bed. She curled up with her knees to her chest with her arms in between them.

“So, first question: do you have a family?” Kieran asked.

“Not really,” She said, “I have a mother, kind of.”

“What do you mean “kind of”?”

“It’s hard to call a crack smoking, heroin shooting whore house manager a mother when she doesn’t feed or take care of the girl she gave birth to and instead sells her child’s body for some old men to have.” She spoke bitterly and the last bit in a whisper.

“Sold your body?” He asked in shock and anger.

“I have been raped eight times and my mother was paid by men to let it happen.” She responded. She never looked at Kieran and stared at the bed covers.

“Oh. Well, I promise it won’t happen again. Did they use condoms?”

“Never, I don’t know how many fetuses I have killed with the Day After pills,” She said in a voice tight with pain.

“You had no choice, it isn’t your fault,” He said and laid his hand on her knee but she flinched away, “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m comforting you,” He told her and placed his hand on her foot instead. All of this was so foreign to her. She had never had affection or a nice shower for that matter. She had nothing. All of her life, she was empty and broken. “Do you know who your dad is?” He asked her another question.

“No.”

“Tell me why you were on the tracks.”

“No,” She responded quickly, without hesitation. She was becoming nauseous and dizzy. Her breathing was picking up as her heart pounded hard against her ribs. Another anxiety attack raked through her body once again.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” he asked and then paused to look at her with concern. “Are you okay?” He asked as she started shaking. “What’s going on? How do I help?” He asked with concern as he started playing with her hair in a calming gesture. “Tell me how I can help.”

Aruna looked at him in confusion. How can he help? She had never been helped before. She clutched her chest in pain. “I don’t know,” She said in a raspy voice.

“Can I sing?” He asked her and she didn’t respond, she didn’t know how.

“Step one, you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came,” He sang to her as she closed her eyes and listened to his voice.

“Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness

and I would have stayed up with you all night

had I known how to save a life,” Now they sung together. She was quiet and calmer than before but she still whispers the lyrics to How to Save a Life by The Fray. They stopped singing and Kieran moved back to lean against the head board.

“What’s your favorite color?” Surprisingly, Aruna asked this question. Kieran looked at her and smiled.

“Dark orange,” He answered. At this, Aruna had a small smile that she thought he didn’t notice.

“That’s what my name means,” She told him.

“Really? That’s so cool,” He said with a smile. She tried to stay away as her head began to sway. When was the last time she ate or drank anything? “Hey, you look pale, when was the last time you ate or drank anything?” Kieran asked. She shook her head.

“A while,” She responded quietly. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the head board. She felt the bed move and a sudden feeling of being lifted. She opened her eyes to see Kieran carrying her to the stairs and down to the kitchen.

He set her down at the kitchen stool and went about the kitchen, grabbing food and drinks.

Who is this guy? Why would he want to help me? Is he going to feed me?.....Do I like this? Am I glad I was saved? No. I hate him. He took me way from my happiness. He’s evil. He doesn’t care because nobody has. No one ever will care for me. Why should they? I’m worthless…

But maybe, just maybe, there is a little hope for me if I trust him…Could this actually be something good in my enigmatic numbness of my life?

 A/N: Picture of the guest room to the side!