Don't Look Back (A Depression Awareness Story) [Revising]

𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖞-𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗

[ c h a p t e r t w e n t y - f o u r ]

They say there's a high possibility that the people you meet in your life may be depressed, but you won't know about it. Some also say that at some point in your life, if you're unlucky enough, you'll see the dead body of a person you may or may not know personally.

As I run towards Aya's house with my lungs screaming for air and adrenaline coursing through my whole body, I keep telling myself to wake up because this is all just a horrible nightmare.

Because, sure, I've read articles on the internet. I've read stories. I've watched and listened to news about it, but never in my life did I ever expect na darating ang araw na 'yung mga bagay na nababasa ko sa Internet at napapanood sa mga balita ay mangyayari sa'kin—because that thing seemed to be too unrealistic for me. It's something I'd always thought I would never encounter in my life. I never understood why the people I read about did it that's why I told myself that that will never happen in my reality.

But as I stare at what's in front of me, I can feel the awful reality slapping me hard on the cheek---because there on her bedroom floor is my best friend and an empty container of pills next to her lifeless body.

What followed next was an awful blur in my memory. I was so numb that I couldn't even feel my own tears. Napako ako sa pwesto ko nang mga ilang segundo habang nakatitig lang sa kanya. "No... no..." I remember myself saying as my knees eventually gave up on me. I remember crawling to her and cradling her body close to my chest. "No... Aya, wake up... Please. Open your eyes... Hindi 'to magandang biro... wake up." I kept shaking her, but she wasn't waking up. I tried slapping her cheeks but there was no response. Hindi ko maalala kung ilang beses kong tinawag ang kanyang pangalan. I just know that I screamed her name until my lungs hurt.

And then everything turned black.

Nang magising ako ay kulay puti na kisame ang sumalubong sa'kin. Saglit akong nagpalingon-lingon sa paligid hanggang sa makakita ng 'di-pamilyar na babae sa gilid ng kama ko na agad napaayos ng upo nang makita akong magising. It didn't take me long to figure out na nasa ospital ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako napunta dito o kung sino itong babaeng nasa harap ko, pero lahat ng 'yon ay hindi mahalaga sa'kin ngayon. Si Aya lang ang tanging laman ng isip ko.

Umiikot man ang paningin ay pinilit ko pa rin na bumangon dahil kailangan ko siyang hanapin. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya, but I need to find her. I have to find her. I have to make sure that she's okay and what happened awhile ago was nothing but an awful nightmare.

Hindi totoo ang lahat ng 'yon. I was just hallucinating. My best friend's still here.

"Teka, hija, magpahinga ka muna saglit. You just regained consciousness." Pagpipigil sa'kin nung babae at hinawakan ako sa braso para hindi ako makatayo.

Sinubukan ko namang pumiglas mula sa kanya. "No. I need to find my friend. Kailangan ko siyang puntahan." I tell her while shaking my head, my voice cracking at the last sentence. Ni hindi ko nga namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako.

"Calm down. Nandito rin sa ospital 'yung kaibigan mo." Sagot niya kaya naman mabilis akong natigilan. Nang masigurong mahinahon na ako binitawan na niya ang braso ko at tsaka ko lang napansin ang suot niyang kulay puti na coat. She's a doctor here. "Sabay kayong dinala dito."

Relief immediately registered in my system. Thank God. "Nasaan na po siya?" Tanong ko habang pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi ko. It wasn't real. Aya's okay. My best friend's okay.

"Dinala na sa morgue ang katawan niya."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. "M-Morgue?" I ask with a shaking voice, my heart starting to pound again. Oh, god... No.. Please.

Ilang segundo niya akong tinignan bago dahan-dahang tumango. "She overdosed. Nag-shutdown na ang buong katawan niya bago pa siya madala sa emergency." She tells me with a pained expression. Hindi ko alam kung sa'kin ba siya naaawa o sa nangyari sa kaibigan ko. "I'm really sorry, but your friend didn't make it."

The words felt like sharp needles piercing through every corner of my soul. It was the most painful thing I heard in my whole life. I feel like the whole world just crashed around me.