Silence

This was the moment that would stay with him forever. It was the sight that was imprinted on his memory as if it was burned to the back of his eyes. Aside from the sight that would alone drive anyone mad, He couldn’t shake off the freezing cold of the sea even though there was no possible reason for it now. It was like the sea had gushed into his body and made a home around his captive heart, never letting up its relentless pounding trying to wear away his soul. Any day now it could succeed and turn him into no more that sand. Sand was everywhere now and it meant everything to him. It signified the darkest and the happiest moments in his life. It was the last link to James.

James. The sound of his last laugh was repeating over and over in his head, united by the irony of almost outliving Davy. The way his eyes had looked as he gazed up at the birds far above, the same colour as the deep ocean surrounding him. Even when Miles knew, knew with all his heart, that he did the right thing, it didn’t stop the feeling of James’ numb fingers finding a way back into his mind as they scrambled for release.

The most terrifying thing wasn’t the manner in which he died - His eyes wide the stream of unbroken bubbles drifting, racing each other to break the surface, floating with unreal grace - It was the long silences he left. As soon as James body was safely ashore Miles could no longer hold himself up, collapsing in the shallow water clutching to Davy like a life ring. Bill was sat by the shore cradling James, his body burdened with pain running so deep it was impossible to let it out.

It was Miles who had to make the call. He and Davy leaving Bill keeping watch over James to trudge up the deep sand to the pay phone a short way off. James’ mum picked up after three rings answering with a cheerful slightly wary greeting. It dawned on him how badly they had broken their promise: it was shattered like glass cutting his insides with every movement, tearing him apart. He had hesitated too long leaving her with only his laboured breathing and she was worried now, her voice calling out her son’s name in a panic, yet he could not hear her now from his place among the stars.

“He’s gone. He’s gone. Oh God he’s gone.” He panted out barely above a whisper: she heard. There was a cry of purest pain down the phone line and Chloe came on the line demanding answers of what had happened. He couldn’t answer only managing to whimper “Help,” before the phone was disconnected.

They walked back to their sanctuary of sand, the waves lapping against their feet. He sat looking out toward the place where it happened until their beautifully painful silence was broken by the sound of sirens heading ever closer. The policemen churning up the sticky sand could never understand the necessity of this drastic course of action, always looking for someone to blame. They asked inane questions like ‘Has he shown suicidal tendencies in the past?’ whilst trying to pry James’ corpse from Bill’s firm hands. None of them moved, locked in grief, having already agreed to James’ plan. Eventually we will move on but some things remain constant.

We will not betray him.

We will never betray him.

We will forever hold our silence.