You've Got It Made - Tay Jardine Fanfiction

Chapter Twelve

There was a constant booming in my head that I’d had for the past three hours, and wouldn’t go away because Jenna was still telling me stories about her and Vic that I really didn’t care about. Their first kiss, Vic’s favorite things, Jenna’s first time on tour with Pierce The Veil... I felt like bombarding her with a whole load of pointless stories, but what’s the use when I couldn’t get a word in edgeways?

But what was worse was the crying. Oh Jesus she never stopped. I mean, sure, I understand it’s her boyfriend and everything, but the doctors have said he’s going to be okay. So if he’s going to be okay, surely she should have a slither of happiness, right? But no. She’s determined he’s not okay until he wakes up, and the tears keep streaming incessantly down her cheeks. It’s like there’s a little tear making factory in her tear ducts or something because she never seems to run out of them. And it’s not like I can get her to stop. I’ve tried to be comforting and tell her things to calm her down but nothing. Seems. To. Work.

“W-what’s that?” Jenna stopped mid-story to ask. I raised my eyebrows slightly before hearing vibrating coming from my jacket pocket. Hallelujah, I thought to myself. I now have an excuse to leave.

 “Oh, that’s my phone.” I said quietly, pulling my phone out of my pocket. It was my dad. “I need to take this, I’ll be back soon.” Jenna nodded and sniffled as she curled up in a ball on the seat beside Vic’s bed. I stood up and left his hospital room, pressing the answer button when I reached the corridors. “Hey.” I said, quietly. I was aware that hospitals don’t really allow cell phones, so I spoke quietly and walked quickly to the exit.

“Hey, Tayls. Where are you?” He said with a slight hint of concern in his voice. This is the first time in a while he had shown interest in me. He caught Faith cheating a while back, and just like my mom, he developed a drink problem.

I made my way out into the play area that was built for hospital kids even though most hospital kids don’t use it. It was always empty and looked pretty dull - unloved. I sat down on one of the swings and pulled my hood up.

“I’m at the hospital-”

“Oh my God Tay are you okay?!” My dad cut me off.

“Calm down, pops. I’m grand, but my, uh, friend... not so much.” I began to swing back and forth slightly as I held onto the chain with one hand.

“Oh thank God. Well not thank God... not for your friend at least. What friend?” I hesitated for a moment when he asked the question.

“Vic.”

“Oh, you guys are friends again?”

“It’s complicated. Anyways, any particular reason as to why you’re calling?” I tried to change the subject.

“What, can an old man not call to check in on his daughter every once in a while?” He chuckled. Yeah they could, but this was weird for you.

“Jesus, pops. I’m a big girl now. Stop treating me like I’m a child.” I said dramatically, laughing quietly.

“Hey, you’re always gonna’ be a little girl to me.”

“Pops is getting soppy.” I sang in a made-up tune.

“It’s this wine, it’s going to my head.”

“Wine? Real classy, dad. I didn’t realise you were so posh.” My phone switched off halfway through my sentence. I frowned and tried to switch it back on, but my battery had gone completely. Great, Tay, let’s make him more worried. I sighed loudly and continued swinging slowly, tilting my head back to look up at the sky. The navy blue was gradually changing into a lighter blue, and birds in trees around me were singing the song that could be heard every morning. I think this was the world’s way of rubbing it into me that I’d been awake all night and now, to me, it was unacceptable to sleep because it was the start of a brand new day. I don’t know why, but I felt like it wasn’t acceptable to sleep through the day. So if you miss your nights sleep, then you have to annoyingly keep yourself awake until it’s night again.

Since I’d finished talking on the phone, I felt like I should’ve gone back inside to Jenna. But being out here in this old park was actually kinda relaxing. It was quiet, there was a nice breeze that wasn’t too cold and best of all, there was no crying people. I stood up and made my way over to the little patch of grass by the slide. I lay down on my back and looked up at the sky, allowing my thoughts to run wild.

I thought of Vic lay unconscious in the hospital bed, keeping warm under the crisp white bedding but having no clue where he was. I thought of the guys who did this to him - the same guys who drove past me shouted to me. And I wondered, what if that was me? It should have been me. I had been their original target, not Vic. I wondered who would’ve been there to call the ambulance. Most likely, nobody. I’d have still been lay on the cold ground to die. I wondered that if by the slim chance anybody had have found me, who would have been there when I woke up? Would I have had somebody sat in a ball on the chair, holding tightly onto my hand, as they remembered the best memories we’d ever shared together? No, but Vic did, and he was lucky for that.

And then, I began to realise how lonely I actually was. I was one of those people that could be standing in a crowd of three thousand people and still feel lonely. Let’s face it, who did I really have? Jordan, maybe. But currently, Hannah was his main priority, and I don’t blame him. Jenna, no. This is the first time we’ve spoke in years. Alex and I rarely talk - only really when he comes into the record store. I was even drifting apart from my family; my dad calling then was the first time I’ve spoken to him in about three weeks. I try and visit, but they’re always busy or out. It’s like when the guys drifted apart five years ago, everything else fell out of place.

But they drifted apart from us because they were persuing their dream. I could feel all the hatred I once felt for them slipping away. They were doing something with their life; selling out shows, making music, teaching fans important messages. And what was I doing? Working long shifts in a local record store, trying to pay my rent as best I can every month with my low wage. If they can do something with their life, then what's my excuse? I didn't know what the barriers were, but I knew there was something there that was making this even harder for me. I was a waste of space in many ways.

And as the sea of realisation washed over me, I curled up on the damp grass of the abandoned hospital play area, feeling just as abandoned as the play area itself. Because that’s what I was in the world of metaphors; I was this sad, lonely hospital play area that was only thought about and made to feel special whenever somebody felt like a change of scenery. I hated that it had taken me twenty-two years to figure this out.

I cried so much I fell asleep curled up on the grass.