I am insane!...

Charter 1

Feelings were never my forte, I've always been kind of an odd person, not the type of people that your former teenagers would be willing to hang around, I've always been the kind of people that would build walls around them.... Never letting anyone in, too afraid of being heart broken, stabbed in the back. and who would blame me for that ? All I've ever seen from people was betrayal, hate, pain... I've always been told that I wasn't worth it, that I would be better off dead , that I was a freak of nature.....
I've never felt loved before, never felt like I belonged somewhere or with someone, I've never felt wanted, desired.... I've never felt like I was worth being around, life had ever meant for me more than hell in way, I've seen the worst in people, I've seen the darkest, the meanest, I've seen the devil inside them.
So I just took off, separated myself from people, avoided any unnecessary social interaction, lived the most of my days in-between the pages of my precious books or listening to alternative music, the kind that most people would describe as meaninglessness unbearable noise, I've smoked, got high, did drugs, got drunk, alone or with other fellow misfits met on bar, in a concert hall, in a parking lot, never have I had friends, only bodies that I would forget ant the world with, just for a couple hours, So I wouldn't feel so alone all the time.... and this is how I've became who I am now...
I am 16teen, I am in high school, trying to deal with my shit without grubbing anyone's attention,I have became a master in that domaine, being invisible was an art and I had mastered it... till today...
She was full of life, her beauty stroked me like lightning, she was just gorgeous, she defined the word beautiful, it felt like I was attracted to her but some kind of mystic power, not being able of letting go... Not being able of getting my eyes off her, all my walls were crashed when she looked at me, I was an open book, when our eyes finally met, I melted, and her smile gave me shivers, she was all I've ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed of... She was too good to be true.... She was a fallen angel, in all the meaning of the term, she was tall, skinny,frail, with long dark locks, big brown eyes, full lips, pinkish cheeks, she was wearing tight black ripped jeans that perfectly embraced her tights, a fitted burgundy lace top and black combat boots... Het belly bottom was showing, her beautifully curly hair was let freely in the air and her smile was wide....
She was way out of my league, but I couldn't get her out of my mind, never did I feel this vulnerable before, so naked...
I didn't know her name, nor her age or any personal information, I didn't know where she was from, what she liked, who she like, it was the first time I've seen her walking down those ridiculously nasty hallways.... But in the middle of all that crowd I could perfectly distinguish her from any other "drama queen" "jerk""nerd" and so on... She was above all that, she was all what my eyes could see, she was all I ever wanted...
I wanted to know more, I needed to know more, I wanted to talk to her, to make her laugh, to see her smile, to dive into her eyes, I wanted her, only her ...
I would have talked to her, made the first move, but let's not lie, I don't have the balls to do so ....