Fixing Up Valerie

Stupid, emotional, and fucked up - 10

Monday afternoon
I hadn't made any contact with Caleb since I had the attack. Nor do I want to. I feel like not making any human contact anymore, it cause too many things. I was fine like that before school had started and I'm sure I can survive like that again. It's just I don't want to go back with that habit, this time there's more people in my life, and they actually care. Well just one person actually, Carol.

She calls me hourly now, it feels awkward that she puts do much effort in it. It's sweet, really. But I know it's temporary, everything's temporary in life. And it sucks, it sucks so bad it hurts. I want the happy, loving cherishing things to last, not depression. I wish the people you care about could stay longer but you can't, no matter how much you wish they won't.

Carol called me again when school had finished for the day saying she was going to come by. I cleaned up the house since I hadn't picked anything up for days. If only mom could see me now, she would be so surprised at the sight of me cleaning. I chuckle of the things she would say to me.
"Vall, stop being such a potato and get your big booty over here and clean the counter!" I groan and spread my whole body over the couch, "I really can't right now mamma llamas, the couch desperately needs me." Mom comes into the living room laughing, shaking her head too. "Oh my Valerie, the day you actually clean the house, will be the day I finally sit on the couch- relaxed,"

The sweet memory comes to a stop when I hear a knock on the door. I place the dishes in the sink and ran to the door, " coming! Hold on!" I opened it wide and saw Carol sitting on the pavement she looked up at me and chuckled, "took you long enough." She kept chuckling while trying to get up-- trying. I stepped out and reached my hands out for hers and pulled Carol up.

Carol decided to cook for me since, according to her, that I haven't had real food. But I beg to differ, I strongly believe ramen noodle soup is real food. She stood there in front of the stove making some sort of food-- but it smelled good so I didn't question about it. I sat on a high chair by the counter watching her cook, I can possibly learn something from observing.

"So guess what happened today at school?" She questioned me, oh the whole school is fully aware they have a freak attending there. Of course I didn't say that out loud, Carol doesn't know about me cutting, and god forbid she never will. I shake my head and tell her that I don't know what, as she starts slowing down on flipping the food, I embrace myself for the next thing to come out of her mouth.
"Caleb came into the office asking about you," why would Caleb care? Probably thinks I died when I dropped to the floor last week and needs to make sure no one knows he was there with me. Carol must've read my thoughts and spoke up again, "He asked if you were okay and when you'll be coming back."

And again I ask myself the same question, why? Why does it seem like he cares about anything that involves me. "I wasn't sure if you were okay with people knowing I take care of you so I just told him something else." She shrugs and turns off the stove and my eyes widened, what did this little old lady tell him?
"What was it that you told him?" Carol shrugs again and gets two plates out from the cabinet. "I had to talk to him in the guidance counselor way; that I got a call from the hospital that you were recovering and had to skip school for a week." I giggle at what she told me, she basically lied to him, completely. She noticed me giggling and shook her head, "I extended a few parts to make it sound believable for him so he wouldn't pester me with questions. And I was correct, right after I explained that to him he just nodded and walked out without saying another word."

She handed me my plate of food, and from looking at it I'm assuming it's eggs mixed with some other things. We are in a comfortable silence, peaceful really. Until Carol decided to ruin it. "You know Valerie, Caleb doesn't seem that bad. He's basically your only friend and don't you dare say I'm your friend cause we both know I'm not. I say you should give him a shot and learn more about him. What happened between you guys at his house and the school . ."
I continued chewing my food more slowly trying to ignore the feeling in my  throat. That one feeling that you get seconds before you start crying and you immediately feel like your throat is going dry. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling but the tears have spilled and now rolling on my cheeks. What a Stupid emotional person I am.

"I- uh-I um ac-accidentally, well actually, they uh him Caleb and his mom asked me about ah my parents like some questions. But it just s-sorta w- went downhill from that and that is what Caleb spoke to me uh about the next day and I don't know, I'm just- I'm just not ready to deal with him about anything." I explained everything that happened, not about my self- harming of course. While doing so, I was trying my very best to control my tears, which wasn't working very well. The amazing thing about Carol is that she cares a lot about you and your problems-- she's a really good guidance counselor.

I managed to stop crying and ended up laughing, Carol sat there with her eyebrows raised. "Feeling better val?" I just shrugged and continued laughing. Man I'm a really fucked up teenager.

A/n - I know you saw it at the top but I decided to have Victoria Justice as Valerie (: thanks for helping out anglerex
Btw I tend to get really lazy to fix the mistakes-/ so if you see some just comment and I'll edit it if it bothers you.