Sometimes I wish i felt more, knew more, wished more. But now i do, i feel for him, i know him and i wish him.
Seeing him is painful, its a reminder that girls like me don't end up with guys like him. Dreamy guys.
And sometimes i wonder where this thoughts come from, as far as I know we are soulmates. Because he completes me and i know that with him i'll be a better version of myself, at least i think but i guess i'll never know.
Of course i want to kiss him, and be able to say he's mine. However, when i see him i feel this desire for having small this with him. Small things that feel so loving to me.
Touching his neck while we kiss, because i wonder what his skin must feel like in such a vulnerable area of his body. Feeling his hair slide through my fingers like the sand escaping from me. Sharing songs i think he may like, or just songs that remind me of he and the way he makes me feel. Having long debates about women rights, whether or not death sentence should be legal, the best accent in the world,and random stuff. Watching TV shows together and movies too. Walking down the street holding hands. Laughing at his jokes. Loving each other.
But how will i achieve that if seeing him across the room, making eye contact with him, talking to him and thinking to about him makes me sad, and powerless. Like my love for him its so big and strong it took control over my senses, my brain is covered by a thick layer of my love for him, the layer is covering my brain tightly like a dome thats pushing everything on the inside. Making me feel like I have no control over my body.
And like every other evil thing in this world it won't stop to think, take suggestions or have mercy. It knows one only mission: getting him; and one motor: loving him.
I'm writing this to remember and read back in the future, when the dome is so tight i can't think straight and my brain's numb. Because i know in the future i'll ignore something very important, and i'll carry on with this nonsense. He didn't love you. He won't love you. He doesn't love you.
