It Happened

I felt my legs getting heavier every step i took. The pouring rain was heavier than my will to live .

Months ago life was everything i ever dreamed of. Waking up next to the love of my life. Our kids running around, screaming to the sight of Christmas presents under the tree. There are so many stories filled with love in my chest I wish they didn't all end in heartbreak or death. I used to wake up to your hands and now I wake up to your memory. I've been trying to put my foot in the door of my heart since you left but all I can manage is my fist. Eventually, everything good has to end.

If I died would anyone really care? You say you care. Weeks later i come to work high on your bullshit. I've had enough. Everyone I love makes me want to fucking kill myself. My friends starring at me, upset to the smell of alcohol, trying to be poetic and telling me that life gets better. It doesn't. I lost my job. I feel broke. Full of despair i come home to the sight of hungry children. It's almost 5 in the morning and my chest is so heavy thinking about the kids who never let themselves grow up or get better. I knew it would never last the first day we met and I looked at you like a memory. The things you said to me, that we'd always stay together. You told me you loved me when the lights were off. How did i believe you. I can't believe i was so naive.

I tell my family I'm on vacation. Make innocent teenagers beg people for money on the streets while I'm at home drinking away the pain. Loving someone who loves someone else is like standing on the front step looking for the key under the mat and realizing it's not your house. I spend the cash on booze and drugs. I keep them starving. ''You're insane'' they kept telling me. The neighbors keep asking if we're back together, I guess they hear me yelling your name like I used to.

A month has passed and they threaten they are going to take away everything that's left. They call me to court. I look towards the kids and see happiness in their eyes. They are relieved, they see that I'm losing, they see that they can finally escape. I can see it in the judges eyes. I'm really losing them. They were my painkillers. I know this is the end. I ask if we can take a 5 minute break. Looking at the sky i think to myself, the easiest way out would be death. Sometimes I think about someone else falling asleep to your breathing and I can't sleep for days. The sad reality is that sometimes the person you would die for is living for someone else. Are you happy with yourself. Are you proud of yourself. What if when you die you relive every moment you should've said I love you but didn't. And what do you do when you feel like your heartbeat is lying to you? They still keep asking about you. Will you ever return? Thinking you might.. It's like I've been stuck in a nightmare and haven't woken up yet. And that's not a metaphor.

There it was, a stunning river full of my tears. Without a second thought I jumped in. Leaving everybody and everything that was left. Remember when I told you that I thought you held the sun in your smile? Its been raining for months and I think its time to close the curtains. I think tomorrow I will wake up and become someone that doesn't remember who you are. I think tomorrow I will wake up

happy.

(Read every highlighted word to form the last sentence)