lost boys

lost and found

Walking down the street my whole body ached. I still carried on because if I did not get back soon the damage would be even worse for me. Tightening my hold on the groceries i hurried up a bit. Faster faster faster. Were my only thoughts. My breath hitched a bit and my ears rang from exhaustion but i had to carry on. Soon i'll be there. Soon.
Slowly i opened the front door trying to make as little sound as possible. Almost in the kitchen. 5 steps 4 steps 3 steps 2-
"Watch where you're going you tramp" i took a blow and fell backwards the bread and other food falling on the floor. Before me stood my dear stepmother picking up a toy of my little halfbrother on which I would have stepped on if she had not stopped me. Giving the toy to my brother she left the hall without another glance at me. Rubbing my sore arms my little brother came and gave me a tight hug which made my bruises hurt even more. Aprechiating the gesture i grind my teeth togeter and hugged him back. Breathing in the, so unlike me, clean smell. In this house he is the only that likes me. But im sure that is only because he doesn't know yet why the others hate me because in his mind people that take care of him can not be evil. Yet at least.
Im going to miss him when he also starts to hate on me.
After making Dinner I wanted for the others to eat and finally ate the leftovers and washed the dishes. When I was finally done I went to my little cupboard sized room and layed on the thin matress. I have an exhausted breath and closed my eyes just wanting to sleep. Just when I was almost asleep my door was roughly opened and there stood my father with a flushed face. Most likely drunk again I thought. With a blank and enotionless face I sat up not wanting to give him any reason to be angry with me. Not that I had a chance in that matter.
Angrily he grabbed the top of my Shirt and dragged me in the livingroom. When he let me go I finally noticed the pair of siccors in his hand. Realising his Intention i begged for the first time in 7 years. "No please dad. Not my hair. Please" But his crazed look told me that he would not change his mind anytime soon. Tears were starting to make their way down my cheeks.
My father never loved me. He was furious with my birthmother for giving birth to me. She was the only one that ever showed me love but when I was 7 everything changed. My mother died giving birth to my brother who sadly didn't survive his birth. After that I was alone against the wrath of my father. He loved my mother dearly and since I had her looks it was painful for him to look at me. He never apreciated me and always negleted me and when I was 9 he remarried to be able to have an heir. After mothers death he always hit me and made me the family slave even underneath the servants. I was lucky to have clothes that aren't damaged too severly and a place to sleep and even the little leftovers every meal. I am lucky he did not throw me out.
The thing most lucky thought was that he let me keep the long hair my mother was so proud of. He beat me up and I learned to stay quiet. The long hair made me look so much like my mother and was the only reason he left me alive. If he were to cut my hair the last part of my soul would break I could not survive this disgrace. It's the last I have of my mothers.
I tried to crawl away from my father but he only inched close with the siccors ready. Finally he jumped at me crabbed a Junk of my hair and cut it so it was only long enough to reach my ears. By now I was criying rivers. "You are no child of mine I no longer want to see your face here." I was so devasted no matter how bad they treated me they had never thrown me out or even threatened me with it. But I knew it was final and I could not change his desicion. I could only imagine that my Stepmother finally got through him to get rid of me. She never liked me. To her I was a potentional Thread. I never understood why. Nobody loved me so how could I be a thread towards anything she had. Nobody would be willing to help me or give me anything.
Feeling defeated I stood up not looking in my father eyes I said "I understand I will Pack my belongings and leave immediatly." "Good." I moved quickly in the room I lived in took a small bag put my few clothes inside and made my way to the door for the last time in my life. On my way out I went by the door of my halfbrothers room and saw him sleeping. I went over towards him with tears in my eyes and bent down to give him a kiss on his forehead. "Goodbye my dear I hope you will live well and forget me soon so that you won't have any Bad memories of me. But I will never forget you my dear little brother. I love you. Thank you for loving me aswell." Keeping a sob inside I left his room and finally left the house without a glance back because it would hurt to much knowing that my father truly never loved me. Deep inside I always hoped that he did love me somehow and honestly dispite his treatment towards me I did love him dearly.
I did not want to break down anywhere near the house for it would probably give satisfaction to my family. I walked and walked and walked. Further and further from the place I once called home.
16 and alone in this world. That's my sad reality. I reached for a Lock of my hair to calm myself only to Touch Air. Right. He cut my hair. Finally the events reached my brain and I could no longer hold the tears inside. I broke down and Fell on my knees trying to make myself as small as possible so maybe the pain would shrink aswell.
I don't know how long I sat here in the middle of the night in the middle of the street but I finally had no more tears to cry. I still had my head in my hands so I didn't realize the change in my environment. Only when I heard footsteps coming near me did I know someone else was there. I froze. I began to panick. I did not know where I was but when there's someone comming near you in the middle of the night it's never a good sign.
After thinking fast if ways to escape I dared to raise my head to check out the stranger.
To my surprise I came face to face with a boy my age curiosly looking at me. But I still could not relax. Only because it was a Teenager does not mean im save.
As if reading my mind he auddelny began to smile and held his hand out to me. "I am Peter Pan I'll never be a man. If you never wanna grow up take my hand I'll take you to Neverland."