One Direction Oneshots (boyxboy)

Leaving Traces (Sequel to Vertical Lines)

You know that feeling that you get when it feels like your not completely alone in a house that is completely empty besides your self. Like another presence is beside your own, sparking the air with an energy. An energy only a human soul can conjure. Like the walls surrounding you lie to your very face and not even your shadow can be trusted because it moves on its own. Because that is how I have felt ever since he left me. He being the love of my life who is now a lost angel. He as in that pair of blue eyes embedded in a face constructed of all the prettiest things the world has ever beheld. He, the one who stole his own life just to torture me in the worst way possible. He is Niall. I say he is lost because he's not where you would think he would be, where a dead soul goes. I used to visit his grave everyday but after a week or two I found that there was no point. Niall wasn't there. He hadn't been under all of that dirt since the first night he had been put in there, when it was still fresh.

I don't know where he went. Maybe he's in a universe parallel to my own. Maybe that why I can still feel him, why I still feel the ghost of fingertips press against my skin when I cry out for him, a gentle gesture. Sometimes when I look into a room he stands there. But he's not the Niall I fell in love with. He has changed in anyway that is hard to explain. And the cut on his wrist was as deep as ever. A blood red line. Wrist to the inner part of his elbow. He was gone the second the blade touched the delicate pale skin. Oh why Niall!? Why did you have to be so sad? Why did you have to be so stupid, Niall?

I don't know why Niall didn't go where most dead people go. And maybe it was this fact that unnerved, and upset me me most about his death. He wasn't where he was supposed to be. He wasn't in my arms where i could protect him from anything. He wasn't there! He wasn't there! He wasn't there! He'll never be there! I will have no one to love and no one to protect! I'm all alone! I killed my lover! And it was all my fault. I was the reason Niall was gone and not where he belongs. If I had been a little earlier Niall would be here. If I had not fucked up so permanently, my Niall wouldn't hate me so much that he had to kill himself to get away from me, away from everything.

I let out a cry. A sound that no one was supposed to hear, but I know he heard it. I could feel his eyes watching me and that cocky look on his face before I even turned my head to see him standing there. His smile didn't reach his dead eyes. It was a wicked smile. He stood leaning against the door frame, his arms across his chest, his eyes fixed on me.
"Miss me, don't you?" He mocked, standing from the wall.

He wasn't like an apparition, or the ghosts portrayed in the movies. He looked solid, like if I reached out I could touch him, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't hold him like I so desperately desired to. Niall walked over to me, knowing full-well how he tortured me with just his spiritual presence,  stepping soundlessly on the carpeted hallway, more gracefully than he had been when he was alive.

"Wish you wouldn't have killed me, don't you?" He taunted "you want to touch me! I know you do! You want me! You want me so bad!"

I could only stare at him, blinking rapidly. My lips started to quiver as Niall's words stabbed me, sharp as knives. I was immobilized by pain. I couldn't answer, my voice was gone, muted.

"Are those tears Lima? Are you crying?"

My eyes burned, wetness cascaded down my cheeks,staining them like the stain of blood on pure white tiles. Pristine skin was flawed. Blue eyes were broken beyond repair. I was too late to save him.

"You do love me! Too bad I'm already gone"

My hands shook so vigorously I had to squeeze them into fists by my sides. I couldn't handle this pain anymore. These words were tearing me apart.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JUST GO AWAY!" I screamed breaking off into sobs. I fell to my knees, landing with a dull thud. I collapsed in heart-wrenching cries that wracked my body and left my throat burning and dry. When I opened my eyes Niall was no longer there. The house was completely empty and I was alone. My breath fell heavily from my trembling lips and I stared down the long hallway where Niall had been. I wanted him to be there, really be there. I wanted him to be alive and mine again.