Heart Burn

Killing Me Inside

I sat at the edge of the bed and cried. I cried over all the shitty things in my life, I cried for all the deaths of the people I needed, and mainly I cried for him.

The shitty thing were killing me inside. The death killed me inside. He was killing me inside.

I need to get a grip and bite my lip just to save my little face. I knew I could keep going, continue with my life. I sucked my bottom lip in and stood up. The front door slammed shut and the things on my dresser shook a little. I let out a helpless sob and sat back down and buried my face into my hands.

That was it, he left. I stood up again hot tears running down my face. My legs wobbled as I slowly walked to my door. I opened it and looked down the hallway that usually was covered in pictures of me and him, friends, and random places and things we had seen. He had taken the picture of us on our fist date Casper took of us walking hand in hand through a park, the lights were on and we had just finished eating, I had a big smile on my face and Joe was laughing.

I walk out to the lounge and look around to see if anything of our other stuff was gone. He left the little box that had been there for ages, he had asked me not to open it, it was a little white porcelain box. I continued into the kitchen, every thing was there. The hallway was dark but I could still see. There was a little note on the door, I went up to it.

"Os,I think it would be the best if we took time to ourselves. For good this time. We've grown apart for sometime now, and I kinda found someone. I'm sorry that it's come to this point but I felt as if you were sneaking around behind my back. I'll come get more of my stuff tomorrow. Bye Os, love you -Joe"

That was it, he was gone. I lost it, I sank down onto the floor and cried endlessly into my knees. I cried for what seemed like an eternity, I cried till I couldn't cry anymore, my face was red and puffy, my eyes were swollen and I couldn't see as well. I stood up and dragged my feet into the hallway with our two rooms in it. We mainly slept in my bed, but we had started sleeping separately a few weeks before this. I look at my open door, welcoming me into it's homey feeling. My feet moved before I even knew what I was doing, the next thing I was standing in the middle of his room.

The room smelled of him and the way it was decorated was screaming Joe Sugg. I took a shirt out of his drawer, I slipped mine off and slid his on. I unhooked my bra and let that fall to the floor. I dropped my pants and pulled out a pair of his boxers, I put them on and turned the book shelf next to the bed. I know it sounds creepy sleeping in his clothes but that's what I was used to and I wasn't thinking. He had it filled with books, games,Nick nacks, pictures, you know random junk.

My eyes fell upon a red book on the center shelf, he had told me to read it but I never got around to it. I went over and picked it up. Reading the title I walked over to his bed and crawled into it. The book had no cover just a title and it had gotten wet and was all messed up. I got under the covers and started to read the book. It was alright but halfway through the book it got to actual hand writing and it changed completely, the book was weird it was called I start and you finish (not a real book).

He was writing about the things that had happened in his pastand then the things started to get more recent, was this somewhat like his diary, he didn't describe feelings but before how it happened.

He got to the part we met and what he thought of me. Eventually I fell asleep the book still open on my lap.