peculiar // h.g

chapter 1

hayes

I wasn't always depressed. There was a time that I was happy, but things changed, people fell in love, while others fell out of it. My parents being two of those people that fell out of love. I was taught that love lasts forever, I was taught that every love is a great love, but every story has an ending.

The day my parents split up was the most confusing and depressing day I had ever experienced, but now, all my days are like that. The sky always feels dull when its bright, the rain is an excuse to stay inside and the falling leaves tinted with shades of red and orange are a memory of how everything came falling down.

There is a small toddler park that my parents used to take me to every day. The swings are empty, the slides are scratched, the monkey bars are bent and broken, but i continue to go. I drown myself in depressing thoughts while I sit on the swings that were once beaming of colour, now they are just a dim blue. My eyes that were once a bright pale blue, are now vague and lifeless.

My brothers are happy, they are beaming without a care in the world. They healed, while I stayed the same. I ask myself what it is that won't let me go of the pain, yet when I try to figure it out, my mind stays as blank as a white page. There is no answer, why i can't let go, I just miss being happy. My parents found new people, they fell in love and they are happy. Something I fear of being.

I don't have friends or people I communicate with, I would rather stay solitary and... Alone. I stay in the dimly lit classrooms at school. No one really approaches me because it seem as if they look into my eyes, they'll fall into the same sadness I'm in. They're not wrong really, I would probably make them feel as fallen as I do with something as simple as a glance or a gaze, and in reality, I'm far gone.

There is a girl i see in school. Her name is Sophie. She's happy. Her eyes gleam with light, her lips are always tugged into an inviting smile, and she seems like the only thing that could possibly make me smile if I tried, but she doesn't even know i exist. What a shame.

sophie

Happy. That's what I feel. A sparkle of joy in people's lives, the light of someone's day. I feared of being alone or depressed, so I surround myself in a blissful environment. I wonder how some people live their lives being unhappy and in a state of solitude, yet I feel like i would fall into the same hole of sadness if I let that into my life.

I have friends, not an abundance, but I communicate with a good amount of people.

I do good in school, I love to dance. People assume I'm some apple-polisher teachers pet, when in reality I remain silent during the long hours of school.

There is a boy I see in school, his name is Hayes. He remains alone and quiet. His eyes are a pale and vague blue, his skin is pale and cold, but there is something about this boy that has had me mesmerized for years, that I need to know. There is only one problem, he doesn't even know I exist. What a shame.