Love Always: A Novel Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Final Letter and Dedication <3

May 24, 2013

This is the last Friday I will ever spend in this place. Yesterday was the last day I had to wear uniform. Its pretty weird to think about. I’ve been writing to you for eight months now. Or is it nine? I can’t remember if I started in September or October. Everything is blurred together now. There are still things that stand out, my important memories. Those are clear as crystal. I feel like those are the things that won’t ever disappear. My best memories, my clearest. Those are the ones that change who I am. I can remember the center. I remember those days in the woods with my friend and the day she left me. Everything else is a blur of smiles and tears, laughs and screams. I remember when I switched to this school and everyone tried to talk to me. I remember the first thing Charlotte ever said to me. Its was: “hey, did you hear that Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are together now?!?” That was how I befriended her to begin with. It started with gossip. I remember how I became friends with Waverly too. I was shadowing and the people I was with left my table. Waverly saw me, walked over, and sat with me. Then it was just us two. Everyone else came along in a similar way. I remember my first Event and my first real pool party, all spent with the people I care about most. This year is blurred around the edges. Things are starting to blend but they aren’t done yet. So many things stand out this year. I remember the first time I ever saw Jordyn. It was typical movie meeting. I looked up from my lunch and he was at the next table, across from me. Thats when my friends and I agreed he was attractive. I laugh about that now. Its probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Waverly talked to him for me though while I tried to judge his personality. I remember when I realized I loved him too. I think deep down, I always knew. There was this one football game, before I even started writing, when we were trying to play a trick on my ex whom we both hated. It was a moment. He did this thing where he hugged me, then picked me up and spun me around. When he set me back down, I was laughing and dizzy. But in those few seconds, I saw him in a different way and knew. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that story but I think I needed to. I remember all of Danielle and Charlotte’s fights, petty by now. I still can’t understand them. I remember my first kiss. I remember all of the sleepovers and giggles between the female Wallflowers. 

Thats how I know what I care about. Things stand out like they don’t quite fit the mold. Those are the best memories. Sometimes when something doesn’t fit or doesn’t make sense, its not meant to. Maybe those are the things that are meant to be put up on a pedestal. Thats why I can’t believe this. “Someday, all of these moments will become memories and our pictures will become old photographs.” Thats a Perks quote. Thinking about it, that day is coming sooner than we think. Its almost over. When it is, we get to start making new memories and thats beautiful to me. We just add to what we have. What we need to remember is, those memories need to count for something. Everything I’ve done in this past year has changed me, its changed all of us. I don’t know if its for better or worse, but it happened. Each second makes us a new person. We meet new people, we learn new songs, we write new books. Everyone says you need to seize the day. What about seize the second? Each one that passes is one less second to become the person you know you need to be. If I hadn’t picked up one book at Barnes and Noble, The Wallflowers wouldn’t exist. If Waverly hadn’t said hello to Jordyn, I wouldn’t have ever met the person I love most. If I never wrote October 22, 2012 on a piece of blank notebook paper, I wouldn’t be writing this now. If I hadn’t pulled my head out of the water, I’d be dead. Those are seconds, not days. Mere seconds made that much of a difference. Every tear that falls means more than the next. Every smile that fades is one less smile that we see. Those things ALL matter. I know I’m dragging on but this is something I feel that I need to say. 

I have bad memories but I think that in this moment, the good is finally more important. That reminds me that what comes next is more important than what has already passed. I can’t rewind life. Whats done is done. My past may be bad but that doesn’t mean the future is worse. I have things to live for, we all do. They just haven’t happened yet. I never could’ve predicted everything that happened this year, good or bad. I’m finally learning to focus on the good though. I understand why I need to find the things that matter. School doesn’t matter to me, its temporary. My parents don’t matter to me, I don’t matter to them. My friends? Those are the things I want to last forever. I understand “we are infinite.”  Though I’ve always said it, I haven’t really felt it until now. There are things that ARE infinite. To Charlie, Sam and Patrick were infinite. Mine is the same. I’ll always remember my Wallflowers, even if we’re apart. I won’t remember things like Spring Fling or my final math exam grade because those aren’t infinite to me. To some people, those things are everything. I admit, at one time I was one of those people. But now, I’ve found infinity. I’ve seen it in Danielle. I’ve seen it in Waverly. I’ve seen it in Charlotte. I’ve seen it in Caroline. I’ve seen it in Jordyn. Its even in Faun, Jaimie, and Austin and all of the other people I’ve come to know and love. Infinity isn’t a thing. Its a feeling. Infinity is love. I was just too blind to see it. I thought it meant we would last forever. It means that the feelings we have now for each other will never end. My infinity is alive and breathing. It lives in the people I love. 

This may be my last letter. I’m not really sure. I’m going to try to survive on my own through summer. I’m going to spend as much time as possible with The Wallflowers, though we will all travel. Next Thursday marks the day I’m allowed to date Jordyn officially. I’m hoping to take him somewhere sometime soon so we could have a first date. I feel bad that I’ve kept him waiting for so long. Its almost over though. On Thursday, I’m going to tell my parents. Then everything will be well. I won’t let them hurt me again. If I write again next year, I hope you’ll read. You may not even be reading now. There really isn’t a way for me to tell. For now, I’m ok. I have infinity and Waverly says that from here, it gets better. 

I am infinite. I hope you are too.

Love Always,

Quinn

Dedication

This entire story is dedicated to my real life Wallflowers. Wattpad won’t let me put multiple dedications on here so... This is it. Here are my dedications:

D- You got me through. My Waverly

Land Princess- You were there. My Charlotte

Teal- Math Class. Two words that explain HALF of what happened. My Danielle

Onion the Unicorn- You read the first couple paragraphs before you gave up. It means a lot that you actually tried to read something. My Caroline

Faun- You inspired me to keep writing my letters. Your name is real. You know what you did. Thanks for responding ;)

Moose- You’ll know who you are. My real life Jordyn, I’m looking at you. You also know what you did. I do need to acknowledge the fact that you came up will ALL of the character names in this book because I suck at names. So thank you! 

Well guys, its over! Thinking about continuing the letters in a different book but we shall see. Some of you that know me know a lot more about this book than others. Do me a favor, don’t go around telling people “OH! YOU READ THAT?! WELL THIS MEANS-” Seriously. I HAVE heard some of that. Let them figure it out please. Oh and also please don’t scream about who everyone could possibly be. They can figure that out on their own as well. If they can’t, well... *shoulder shrug*.

Thanks for reading! Now that you are done, go be infinite :)