Blind in Faith

Four lonely notes

Andrew Pearson's grandfather was gone. Forever.

After one year of battling his fight with cancer, he had finally lost.

Once his father left him and his mother when he was five. His grandfather became his superhero. 'Be kind to everyone just as God is kind to you' was his motto.

Now here he is... Dead. Seven years later and he's dead. How has God been kind to him? What has God ever done for him? He let him suffer. And not for strength, he gave up, he couldn't fight anymore.

Andrew didn't doubt God was real. He believed in God. But he never trusted in him. Why should he? God let bad stuff happen to good people. God doesn't love him, he never did. Why should he trust someone who took so much away from him? God took his father, and now his grandfather.

The four loneliest notes played on the trumpet for the long lost army man. Wishing him a satisfying farewell. Since my grandmother died before I was even born, and my mother was an only child, my mother was bestowed upon her father's American Flag. But she asked for me to get the flag instead. Remembering how much he meant to me.

I tried my best not to cry when he handed me the flag. Tears were saved for the concealed room only my bedroom walls could see. Only one more thing to remember how unlucky I was.

'Big boys don't cry' his father said before he left his mother and him. Tears fell from his already tear stained cheeks. 'It shows weakness' Andrew followed. His father said this many times before.

 No matter how hard he tried not to, he always follow his father's old saying. After his dad left, Andrew followed in his father's footsteps. Feeling like if he was just more like him, his dad would come back. But he never did. No stopping by, no letters. Not even a birthday card. His dad was gone. And never coming back for him. He realized that now. His own father didn't love him.

....

The funeral ended, followed by a family dinner. Although, he didn't feel like eating.

Andrew found himself in his bed again staring at the ceiling. He let one tear slip down his cheek and unto his chapped lips.

I stared up at the lone American flag hanging proudly on my wall. "God doesn't love me." I repeated to myself. "How could he ever love me." I took one last deep unsatisfying sigh, and reached to turn the light off. The world went dark, and so did my dreams.