My demons

My bloody demons

"CUT ME,CUT ME" my wrist yells at me. It says "Get the razor and cut me, cut me harder than you ever have before, make me BLEED make me BLEED." I cry even harder this time I don't know why maybe because I'm to fat or maybe because I stand out from the crowd. Why don't I fit in maybe because I like being different maybe because I like knowing that I'm not like the others. The sound of my wrist seems to get LOUDER and LOUDER it repeats," CUT ME Shaleigh cut me over and over again to where I'm bleeding and crying out blood. It says "You know you want to, just do it right now and get it over with just do it JUST DO IT NOW!"

When I finish crying my face is red and pillow filled with tears and emotions. I think to myself," Why don't I just cut myself and get it over with?" The thought of my razor gave me chills down my back and up my arms. I try to drop the thought of my razor and try to think of my friends and family who would be devastated if I was gone, so I just go into the living room and watch tv for a little bit. But I can't concentrate on the tv, I just can't the thought of me not existing anymore made me happy maybe because I wouldn't have to deal with all of this bull shit. I just go to my room to grieve some more that's what I always do when I'm feeling depressed, but no one has noticed my sadness. Maybe I just want to be noticed and seen in this bull shit game we call life maybe I just want to be asked what is wrong with me, but no one has asked me why I'm so sad. So whenever I'm around some of my friends I just try to be as nappy as possible it's really hard but I seem to get through it everyday.

A lot of people don't think I would be the one to be depressed and like this, but they thought wrong. Trust me I didn't choose to be like this I didn't just wake up and decide to be depressed like this trust me I hate being like this anyway. I can't just one day stop being like this I have tried it didn't work out that great it just made me more depressed I hate it I can't just put on a fake smile and expect everything to go away it doesn't. They tell me keep your head up and have a smile on your face never be sad always be happy. I look at them crazy cause they don't know how hard it is to keep a smile on my face. But I've gotten through it long enough to know how to fake a smile.