Mr. Linden's Library

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning with red rimmed eyes remembering the past day’s events.  My mind drifted to the thought of the letter and I shot out of bed with a flourish.  I rushed downstairs only to find my mother already there waiting for me.  I halted and walked slower into the kitchen this time not looking her in the eyes. A plate with steaming eggs and peameal was on the table attempting to lure me over to devour the delicious array of food.  My mouth was watering, but I couldn’t eat the food that she had made.  I hope she didn’t notice the pool of saliva forming in my mouth, it would just prove she is in power.  I can’t let her have power and rule me.  I may be overreacting, but my mother, if I can even call her that, never yells at me and never purposely forms assumptions about me based on the appearance before her.  It went against all of the boundaries and rules we had made in order to secure our safety.

“Someone is hungry, aren’t they?” she asked cheerfully, interrupting my thoughts.  I didn’t answer but hung my head low, suddenly interested in the cracks in the floor.  She cleared her throat, willing me to look up and answer her, but my willpower was strong and I didn’t, I would never.

“Al, if you think I am mad at you about last night’s events, I am not I was just a little bit perplexed and worried.  You got me at the wrong time.”

 She replied after I didn’t answer.  All I wanted to do was forgiver her, but her face from the previous night flashed into my mind and I flinched back in surprise when she reached out her hand to touch my arm.  I surprised myself and held back a cry.  She had scared me, people get angry and I couldn’t overreact and get mad at her, because it wasn’t her fault.  I looked at her nonchalant face and held back my tears,  she didn’t even care I thought,  she thought I was sad because she was mad at me.  She just didn’t understand!  I ran upstairs trying desperately to hold back my waterfall of tears.  If one let loose many more would follow.

I abruptly turned on my heel and ran out the door, and into the garden.  Why was i so upset over an unnecessary thing that happened?  Why couldn’t I just forgive, and forget?  She had scared me so much, and reminded me so much of him.  In a flash the angry faces, the screams, the emotional slaps to the face, everything horrible that I had pushed so far out of my mind, came back to me.   Why didn’t it happen before, when someone got angry, why was I always so sad?  I was confused, lying on the ground shaded by the old tree, that had just started budding.  It was entering re-growth.  So many questions and memories came flooding back to me in one massive rush, I couldn’t handle it!  I screamed out in frustration, it was getting to me.  Everything had just built up.  Everyhting I was hiding, it all just scred me so much.  Why?  I fell into a depp sleep, with that one single question haunting my trance for eterninty that sreamless night.

I heard an ear piercing shriek, my eyes shot open and stars clouded my vision, why was I out here?  Everything rushed back to me, in a quick motion and I realized the answer to that simply confusing question.  I looked around the dark of night, pondering aimlessly.  The scream shattered the peaceful night yet again.  I was screaming internally.  I ran into the house, not caring about my upheld grudge at that moment.  I walked into my room and I was frozen in place.