Loving Deaths Embrace

Chapter One: The Tub

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The water was cold and I couldn't feel anything really. It all numbed out. The deep blue of veins shown brightly under the water. I trailed my left hand over all the raised pink scares. They were all over my legs and wrist. I remember doing almost all of them really. There was a long, jagged scar that I specifically remember. It was cold, and mom and I just had one of the biggest arguments we ever had really. It was about my scars and how I never tried to cover them up. Going to family events was just, so much torture for her. Having a daughter with marks all over her arms and legs. She always saw me as a disappointment and it was something that made everything worse.

"D come on. It's time to go. You've been in there for over an hour!". There it is. There goes my mother, there goes my chance to do it. I originally didn't have any plan on having my parents see me. Having my parents find me...but my mother deserved to see it. I'm the youngest out of three, Jerikye the oldest, the first brother, then Skayla.

My parents picked weird names. I'm the only girl. My father was ecstatic to finally have a girl, but I know my mother didn't want any girls. She hated me for it. Since I could remember she had always had an unfair anger towards me. Jerikye was the star child. He graduated out of college at 25 and was the top of his class. Star athlete for his baseball team. Even had a child on the way.

Mother couldn't be happier for him. Skayla was like me. Unwanted and suicidal. He got taken away to a mental hospital because he didn't really want to go..he just wanted it to stop being so bad. Dave Copperling married Jane Hunterdson, my mother. They were married for over twenty years, but when we came along it all got bad. My mother started drinking and my father adored her so he didn't leave. They always fight though. It's why Skayla had so many problems.

There was a loud banging noise on the bathroom door, mom yelling now, "D lets move it!" Oh great, that's right, we had one of those lovely family gatherings that I had to look nice for. Of course though, wearing a dress is going to be a problem so should I do it...should I do it now? In a frantic stage of involuntary insanity, should I perform the act I've been wanting to, the act I've been craving to complete, to work my way back to the beginning of where it started. Going back to being non-existing, and being just a simple thought.

I moved my legs to slosh the water, thinking, my heart beat racing. I can hear it in my head so loud. Did I want to leave yet? The tub, the water, the bathroom. It's been my safe space, my one spot that I can survive in and be okay. What do I do?