I Lost You

So I have no choice so, I sit on her legs but I dont want to think that its kinda wierd coz, she is my best friend actually more than from that.

Till the times end. So we've just stop the bus and continue to our way while making fun. But honestly I cant take my feelings anymore. I think this feelings I carried always takes 8 years and for that I was so stupid coz, I cant admit my feelings to her, may be I can find a right time and a right place, hopefully! So as we walk she keeps on teasing me that who is my crush she didn't know that she is the one. So again I need to lie for the sake of her.
But, I was thinking she havent any boyfriend yet, maybe she likes me ohh it sounds pretty cool but I dont think so....

(At the School campus)
"Jason, have you answer our assignment"
"Yeah of course! Actually I made your assignment coz for sure you haven't am I right?"
"You does!"
" Well thanks for that" then she give me a kiss
"Oh God she kiss me, good for me!" I said to my self
For that kissed and for my love for her I volunteer my self for her to do all her assignments and projects. Coz I dont want to see her depress and tired.
And when we are in grade 9 I unite all my strength and everything in order to admitt my feelings to her.
Late in the evening, everything was set and this day I will truly say to her that I love her, so I text him and my legs was began to shake and my heart was beating faster for her reply and it made me so frustrated when it takes hour waiting for her respond

And a sudden text I received, I thought it was her but it was my friend
"Bro! You need to go to Allyza coz she needs you right now she is now at the hospital"

And a sudden tear drops on my face and it made me feel that Im dead I cant let my feet walk and I really felt that my heart was hit by a thunder and I cant explain my feelings these times all I know was pain was drowned within my heart and soul.

So I suddenly went to hospital and I saw her she is 5050 and even if she was that stage she wasn't able to forgot me actually she said to me
"Why? You takes longer time to admitt your feelings to me, you dont know how much years, days, hours, and seconds I waited. I really like you Jason and I want to be your girlfriend but it will never happen.

"No Allyza, actually this evening I will admitt my feeling to you and I want you to be my girlfriend" I wasn't abke to say everything I wanted to say because I was sad and I cant control my emotion.

"Yes I do"
The last words she said

And when she died I really, really blame my self of what I've done coz the reason why she died because she meet an accident going to my way because she wants to surprise me.

And for that I blame my self, why I made it maybe if I dont admitt it, maybe she will remaines right now beside me.

And I lost her.