Go (Yaoi BoyXBoy)

Go

Go

I remembered the first time I saw you in class. You looked really nervous, shy, and most importantly...happy. You approached me with a basic question of "what's your name." I was happy. Happy someone wanted to be my friend.

I wasn't too talkative. I was pretty reserved, or mysterious as you may call it. I wasn't keen on opening up to a guy, but somehow you changed me, and made me feel comfortable enough.

I always knew you liked me. From the way you stared at me, to the way you would say my name shyly. I didn't have any feelings about it. It was flattering to me.

We would text all day, and night. Then we would go to calling. I didn't like talking on the phone, but you made every conversation worth staying up for. I had never laughed as much as I did when I talked to you. You were my best friend.

I enjoyed texting you, and having such silly conversations. Your happy voice really brought cheer into my life. I felt something weird in me. I love the sound you make. It's so soothing.

That one night you told me you were gay. I was happy. You opened up to me, someone who was merely a stranger. I thought it was neat to have a gay friend. I was happy.

Then...then later you told me you loved me months later. My heart was hurting. Could I be capable to love another man? I had never had that before so I was scared. You asked me out so easily. You were so smooth even though I was the man of the two.

I said yes. I said yes even when my brain said no. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to see that smile fade from your face.

You proved me wrong. You were the best thing that has happened to me. You gave me countless hugs, and kisses. You were my home, and I was yours.

Day by day I slowly start to realize that gender was merely a barrier anybody has. I fell for you, and not the package between your legs, or the bundle on your chest. I fell for your heart, and your soul. I didn't regret a thing.

You loved swimming in that pool we got when we moved in together. We couldn't afford much, so we lived in a small studio apartment with a pool in the back. I would watch you swim, and laugh. You were so precious. So much, it made my heart hurt. Why are you so beautiful?

I decided to surprise you with a goldfish for our anniversary. You took care of him well. You looked so happy. I looked at you, and saw your cute smile flashing before my very eyes. I'm the luckiest man ever.

I would hold you when you cried, when you didn't have the confidence. You were beautiful even if you didn't think so, due to society, and their expectations of a "handsome man." You were to me. Much more handsome than those still models on Vogue.

But then fate slipped through our fingers. I did something stupid, and I left the world. It was painful, and I am sorry.

I have always watched over you. I would see you waking up seven times every night looking to your right, and then crying. Your eyes would swell up, and my heart would crumble. I wanted to hold you, and tell you I'm here...I'm here....I'm always here. Sadly I couldn't. I could only watch from a distance. The pain I've caused you.

I wanted to call out your name. I wanted to tell you I love you so much, but my voice couldn't reach you. You couldn't hear me. It hurts....this hurts too much....

I remember that morning you made me chocolate chip pancakes with a cup of tea since I hated coffee. The smell was wonderful. You left the plate there, and went to school. I wanted to taste the delicious pancakes, but I couldn't touch nor reach it. It was left there to get cold, and stale. I cried. I cried so hard that day. The flower in the vase by the pancake withered.