it's time.
you're standing at the bathroom sink, hands trembling as they clutch a razor blade and your breathing quick as you open the bottle of pills.
you're ready to end it, and a smile crosses your lips as you tip the bottle of pills back and look at the contents one more time.
you turn the lights out so you can't see yourself in the mirror. you're tired of seeing yourself. seeing that ugly tear stained face everyday.
it'll be gone now.
and everyone will be better off without you.
you tip the bottle to your lips and dump half of it into your mouth.
but when you're about to swallow, the door opens.
a small voice whispers "L?"
it's tyler.
you go to tell him you're fine, tell him to go back to bed and let you die already, but your mouth is full of pills, and they're starting to melt, creating an awful bitter taste.
he flips on the light and squints, eyes adjusting, before he sees what's happening.
you start to cry as he pries the razor away from you and flushes it down the toilet, dumping the pills with it.
"spit it out." he tells you, a desperate look in his eyes.
your eyes fill with tears as you shake your head and try to dry swallow them quickly, hoping maybe they'll be enough, maybe half a bottle will do it.
his voice cracks when he mumbles "please. stop. you can't do this, please don't..."
you reluctantly lean over the toilet and spit them out, gagging at the taste.
when they're gone, Tyler flushes every last one away.
you shakily sit on the tiled floor and dissolve into tears, body shaking with sobs.
"L, you can't... You can't do this. I can't let you just leave me, as much as I know you want to. Please, just stick around for me."
you're not even listening, all you can think is how stupid you were not to lock the door or why you weren't quieter or-
"hey. listen to me."
you look up at Tyler, still crying.
"I'm gonna play a song. and then we're gonna get you to sleep. because you're up late, you're thinking too much, and it's okay. you're messed up but it's okay. and I'm gonna try my best to make it better."
he offers you a hand and you pull yourself up off the ground.
he wraps you into a hug, and you cry into his shoulder for what seems like hours. he smells like cinnamon.
after that, he sits you on the bed and takes out his ukulele.
he starts to play we don't believe what's on TV, and you go along with it, because there's not much else you can do.
then the line "I need to know that when I fail you'll still be here" hits you, and suddenly you're doubled over sobbing again.
he stops playing and hugs you again.
"please don't scare me like that again. you're loved, okay? you're so valuable and you have so much worth, I wish you wouldn't tell yourself otherwise."
his voice his shaking as he squeezes you tight.
"I know your life has been hell, I know it hasn't been easy, trust me. but you have to stick it through." he whispers.
"you have to stay alive for me."
you're shaking as you nod lightly into his shoulder.
"promise?" he asks quietly.
you take a shaky breath and then mumble "promise."
Tyler pulls away and puts the ukulele away.
"get some sleep, okay? I'm gonna sleep on the floor, right beside you. I dont want to let you feel alone again. I'm right by your side." he reminds you.
you settle into bed and close your eyes, ignoring your buzzing thoughts and focusing on Tyler.
he presses a kiss to your forehead lightly.
"goodnight. I love you. you're strong, you'll get through this."
