October 30, 2015
It has been two years today, two years since I lost the one person that I truly loved. 730 days of trying to convince myself that his death was not my fault. I talked to him five minutes before he took the rope and hung himself. His name was Cody.
Maybe if we didn't fight that day.
Maybe if i answered one of his 24 calls.
Maybe if i handled the situation better...
Maybe he would still be here.
But he's not and when he left this earth, he took my heart with him.
This is the reason I can't love again. Anytime I start to have any sort of romantic relationship with someone else, he comes to mind. The guilt overflows my body, reminding me what happened the last time I loved.
So many people tell me it's not my fault, that a mix of events and emotions that he felt were the cause of it. But I know that if we didn't fight that day, he would still be here, with me. It was our fight that triggered him. I put on this happy face everyday but on the inside I am fighting with myself, trying to find a reason why I should still be here. I feel as if the end should come soon, I don't deserve to be alive anymore, not with him gone.
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Fanfiction"After he died, I didn't think I would ever be able to love again... But then you came along"
